


The Romancing of Cassandra Pentaghast

by nirroca



Series: Lavender [4]
Category: Dragon Age (Video Games), Dragon Age - All Media Types, Dragon Age: Inquisition
Genre: Bisexual Cassandra Pentaghast, Cassandra has hang-ups but shes working them out, Cassandra learns things about herself, Cassandra thinks too much, F/F, Friends to Lovers, leliana is the big sister cassandra never had, theres fluff
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-04-19
Updated: 2018-09-20
Packaged: 2018-10-20 22:26:26
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 9
Words: 35,776
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10672011
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/nirroca/pseuds/nirroca
Summary: Cassandra liked her solitude, she didn't need anyone to make her feel complete.Then everything went wrong.Enter Ellana, a small silver-haired elven woman with a glowing mark on her hand that makes her the only person capable of defeating this unknown threat, and it would seem changing what Cassandra thinks she knows about herself.I'll be honest, this is basically Heavy as a Feather from Cass's pov.





	1. Chapter 1

Cassandra’s day to day life is quite singular. At dawn she rises and attends to her devotions in the chantry. Afterwards, she breaks her fast with a small meal. The rest of her mornings are spent following her rigorous training regimen, which helps to keep both her body and skills sharp, and honed like a weapon. Bathing before the midday meal, her afternoons are spent in attendance with Justinia, or working closely with Leliana in the completion of their duties as Hands of the Divine: focused, unchanging and easy to manage. 

Then Kirkwall happened.

Then the explosion at the conclave, killing Divine Justinia and her long time companion Regalyan (upon later retrospection one of those hurts significantly less than expected).

 

Everything just went to shit really.

 

She is with a group of soldiers fighting off a small cluster of demons that have taken a foothold in an area where a strange green glowing portal to the fade is spewing them forth at a rate that is hard to keep up with,  let alone push back, when a young runner,  perhaps all of twenty summers and bearing the uniform of Leliana’s scouts, calls from relative safety; 

“Seeker Pentaghast!  Seeker Pentaghast come quickly! Sister Nightingale requires your assistance with an urgent matter.” 

Knowing Leliana would not call for her unless absolutely necessary,  Cassandra bids the group farewell, suspecting she won't see many of them again and follows the runner with haste. The reprieve from battle makes her acutely aware of how leaden her arms are,  her right hand slightly numb from holding so tight and striking so long with her sword. The stinging on her cheek seems to have dulled since the skin was stitched back together, but the wound still pulls painfully with each movement.  If she was a vain woman she would be worried about having such scar in such a prominent area,  but her only concern is that the wound doesn't get infected, or reopen. 

On their trek back down the winding mountain path back to the relative safety of Haven the scout fills her in with the limited information that he knows. Word is a woman has fallen from the sky, and that Andraste herself guided her out of the fade,  which Cassandra has a hard time believing.  

What she does know is that this small, pretty Elven woman with silver hair and a strange mark on her hand is the only survivor of the explosion at the heart of the temple and Cassandra  _ wants answers.   _

  
  


It takes three days for the prisoner to wake. Three days in which Cassandra -  despite the calm rationality of Leliana -  does little more than stew in her own anger until her temper reaches breaking point at the smallest of things. She knows that most of her anger is rooted in the helplessness she feels; not knowing who is behind the carnage at the temple and her current inability to channel her grief into action, but it does little to calm her or soothe her tattered nerves. 

The day the prisoner wakes Cassandra's ire reaches it's peak,  and looking back she is embarrassed by her behaviour despite the circumstances. To say the meeting went badly is an understatement. Between angry words and drawn swords Cassandra is amazed that the prisoner didn't flee at the first opportunity. Cassandra's anger is met by silence on the prisoner's behalf at first.  Until, reacting to Cassandra's own heated words,  this small spitfire of a woman is hissing at her in an angry stream of Elvhen, which despite knowing none of the words directed at her are pleasant,  sounds melodic and beautiful spilling from this stranger's mouth. 

Not knowing if the prisoner understands the common tongue (Cassandra suspects she does,  but does not blame the girl for refusing to speak it in the face of such open hostility) Cassandra decides it might just be easier to  _ show _ the prisoner the tear in the sky that matches the glowing mark on her hand,  and against her better judgement Cassandra unties her as a small peace offering and begins to lead the way up the winding path out of Haven to what's left of the Temple. 

 

Cassandra's anger flares once again after the tear in the sky spits demons at them and the prisoner takes up a bow and wields it with such accuracy and grace that Cassandra has only ever seen in the few Elven warriors and hunters she has encountered. It takes a combined effort to bring down the last of the demons swiping viciously at her with blackened claws, and Cassandra swears that she felt the fletching of an arrow graze her ear before embedding itself in the gleaming black eye of the shade, swiftly halting it in it's tracks. Cassandra whirls around at the prisoner, pointing the tip of her sword at her throat in her rage. 

“Lower your weapon” Cassandra demands in a tone that even the most violent of men have enough good sense not to argue with.

But this small infuriating woman just smirks at her, slinging the bow and quiver over her back, before looking Cassandra straight in the eye and simply uttering the word “No.” Cassandra, unused to her words not being heeded, growls in frustration at the woman and readjusts her grip on the hilt of her sword.

“I can’t expect you to protect me as well as yourself from demons. You need my help and I need yours, so that means we have to trust each other a little” the prisoner says exasperatedly, as if such a solution is perfectly logical and that Cassandra is dim for not realising that already.

Cassandra feels herself deflate slightly as she realises that this stranger is right, not that she would ever admit such a thing out loud, and as they make their way to one of the forward camps where they encounter a rift that is spewing out demons,  and with the aid of the Elven Apostate Solas make the discovery that the mark on the prisoner's hand is capable of closing the tears in the sky. 

 

It's not surprising that the prisoner and Varric seem to hit it off immediately, and Cassandra can’t help but feel annoyed at the easy banter the two fall into as they make their way to the heart of the temple to see if the prisoners mark might have any effect on the whirling hole in the sky. It does, but not enough to close it completely, and Cassandra finds herself worried for the elven woman’s well-being after she is knocked unconscious again after the attempt.  _ Only because we need her and her mark to figure this mess out _ she tells herself. 

 

Ellana Lavellan. Her name is Ellana, Cassandra discovers after their first official meeting as the Inquisition and after the hostility of their initial meeting Cassandra finds that there is something about the woman that she feels drawn to. Not sure if it's her inquisitive nature - she feels like the first time she had a full conversation with her that she was being vetted for something, with Ellana asking her about everything from her time spent with the Seekers to her family history, and Cassandra was sure that the woman had flirted with her at some point - or just how inexplicably calming it is to be around her. It is not uncommon for the Herald to disappear only for someone to stumble upon her sitting quietly in the snow in a secluded little dip of earth just outside the walls of Haven, or wandering the hills collecting elfroot, or watching the druffalo wander the vacant space behind the frozen lake. The times that Cassandra has been tasked to find the Herald, after some initial hesitation, Cassandra has been content to sit in companionable silence with her and watch as she points out the flight of birds and the scurrying of nugs going about their business. As a warrior who views the world in more defensive ways, it is fascinating to see it through the eyes of a hunter, and she can’t help but think that this new awareness of her surroundings is something she can actually  _ use  _ both in and out of battle. As the weeks pass Cassandra eventually begins to look forward to their time spent alone, because without realising it the Herald, with her calm and peaceful personality has started to worm her way past her defences and amidst the chaos that is Haven and the fledgling Inquisition, Cassandra finds that she enjoys their time together, and that their time spent in quiet observation has an almost meditative quality.

  
  


“So  _ Seeker _ Pentaghast,” Ellana startles her one afternoon appearing out of nowhere, virtually inaudible with her light feet and small stature when she wants to be. “Tell me, do you have anyone -  _ special _ in your life?”

She pauses, uncertain as to  _ why  _ Ellana is interested in this line questioning all of a sudden and  _ why _ she thinks Cassandra would be willing to even answer. 

“Why?” She asks suspiciously, squinting at Ellana as if studying her features hard enough would reveal her true motive in her questioning and because Cassandra isn’t one to be forthcoming with any details of her private affairs, let alone with someone she hasn't known for very long. Not that there is much to tell in the first place, but that's beside the point.

“Because I’m curious? Because I can’t see how a woman such as yourself would have much problem drawing the attentions of  _ interested _ parties?” Ellana replies with an air of someone stating something blatantly obvious, and the quirk of her lips is almost sad, but is gone before she can fully comprehend it.

“You know, I could probably say the same about you,” Cassandra remarks dryly. “But if you must know, I had someone I was close to once, but we drifted, and -  he is with The Maker now, after the events of the conclave.”

“Oh. I’m sorry for pushing, I honestly didn’t mean anything by it. We don’t have to keep talking about it if you don’t want to.” Ellana rambles. Gone is the assertive woman from moments ago, only to be replaced by someone who looks unsure of what to do next, which is the most vulnerable Cassandra thinks she has seen the normally headstrong and confident woman look to date, the change softening her, and taking pity on her Cassandra decides to change the subject.

“What about you? Do you have someone special waiting for you?” Cassandra asks, genuinely curious. Surely someone as attractive as Ellana would have someone she shared her time and intimacy with? If not then what hope was there for Cassandra? 

“Ah. well, as it would be people of my…  _ predisposition _ are usually frowned upon in most clans, my own included” Ellana explains vaguely with a far off look in her eye that leads Cassandra to believe she is remembering something that she isn’t fond of, but leaves her confused as to what exactly she means with “ _ people of her predisposition.” _ Surely she wasn’t so strange? Ellana looked so, well,  _ normal _ and had a certain charm about her that drew the attention of most everyone around her - man or woman, and to Cassandra - despite her outgoing and flirtatious manner amongst people she was comfortable with -  honestly looked like the kind of person who was only capable of giving herself wholeheartedly to  _ one  _ partner, and even then with a great amount of intensity. She knew that a lot of the nomadic Dalish Clans placed a high importance on procreation and the continued survival of their ancient bloodline, so perhaps she was outcast because she did not want to be defined by such pressures?

Ellana seems to realise her words have confused Cassandra, and after a look of hesitation crosses her face (another thing that looks out of place on the normally confident woman), she takes a breath before speaking again.

“I… I prefer the company of women. So no. With it being so frowned upon amongst my clan I can’t say that I have ever had anyone special in my life. I have had a few encounters, but they were more for mutual benefit, never anything that could have lasted longer than a night, let alone develop into anything more.”

Oh, well that is a  _ surprising _ revelation and Cassandra is momentarily caught off guard by it. This is the first personal thing  - besides some details of her past with her clan - that she has really shared with Cassandra and she feels…. She doesn’t know how she feels, but because such a thing isn’t really common knowledge, Cassandra feels honoured that Ellana trusts her enough to tell her such a personal thing. Which also more than likely means that the times she’s suspected that Ellana has been flirting with her she  _ actually  _  has been, and that is something that Cassandra finds herself flattered by, but at the same time isn’t quite sure on how to broach the subject of her interest in women, more precisely, her lack of it.   


	2. Chapter 2

Cassandra is not sure when she starts to think of “The Herald” as simply “Ellana” but it's a revelation that sneaks up on her quietly, something she realises one night as they’re both preparing to sleep in their shared tent in the Mires and Cassandra finds herself uttering a quiet “Goodnight Ellana” when she finally settles for the night. If Ellana notices her use of her name she doesn’t say anything and early next morning Cassandra wakes to prepare for her watch only to find that Ellana has moved in her sleep, encroaching upon Cassandra’s pallet - her right hand clutching her blankets. She takes a moment to watch Ellana in the dim light of their shared tent and finds herself fascinated by her sleeping form. She is taken aback at just how young and small the woman looks in her slumber, which stirs Cassandra’s protective instincts. Looking at her full lips, slightly parted as she breathes quietly, and the way that her long lashes kiss her cheek as her eyelids flutter in dreaming, and the way that the detailed branches of Ellana’s Vallaslin wrap elegantly around her features, enhancing the shape of her brows and the sharpness of her cheekbones, something constricts strangely in her chest that Cassandra doesn’t quite know how to place. With a sigh Cassandra works her way out of the covers and dresses quietly before exiting to start her watch.

When Cassandra returns just after dawn she discovers that Ellana has managed to take over her sleeping space and is curled around her blankets, something that inexplicably makes her jealous of an inanimate object. Cassandra tucks that thought away for later introspection before leaving Ellana in peace, knowing that the sounds of the awakening camp will rouse her from her slumber before too long. 

  
  


As fate would have it Ellana’s habit of encroaching into Cassandra’s sleeping space is not a one time thing, and it almost becomes a nightly occurrence to find that she has moved closer in her sleep. Cassandra is unsure if it’s because Ellana is drawn to the warmth on the cool nights in the small space they share, but she finds that she doesn't actually mind the continued invasion of her personal space. Some nights her mind wanders and she wonders what it might be like to close the distance between the two of them and draw Ellana into her embrace, and one colder than usual night in the Hinterlands Cassandra finds that this choice is made for her when she wakes early one morning slightly disorientated - but very much  _ warm _ and thankful that being in an inquisition camp meant she didn't have to get up and sit watch - to find that at some point during the night Ellana has managed to worm her way into her embrace,  and has her messy head of hair tucked under her chin and an arm thrown possessively around her waist, and that Cassandra herself in turn has draped an arm over Ellana, subconsciously drawing her closer in her sleep. The position that she finds herself in whilst unexpected is not unpleasant, in fact if Cassandra was completely honest with herself in the comfortable half asleep state she is currently in, this was something that she could happily find herself getting used to.

Having been put on a pedestal for most of her adult life and burdened with titles she neither wants or finds to be her most defining characteristics, opportunities for things as simple as the touch of another human in  _ any _ context, not just an intimate one were scarce. Yes there was Regalyan, but over the years their relationship began to feel like one of obligatory convenience, not of actual want, which was not helped by the rarity of actual time spent together. Though her position hardly allowed for it, the romantic part of Cassandra had always wanted to have a long term committed relationship with someone that she not only  _ desired _ but someone she felt comfortable, and most importantly secure with. In her sleepy haze a part of her insists  _ “Ellana could be that” _ but it is something that is quickly dismissed, as she puts their closeness purely down to circumstance and the need for survival - Ellana’s most especially, considering her importance to their fledgling cause and most importantly her abilities - and nothing more. But the tactility of their relationship stirs something in Cassandra that she didn’t know what she was missing until now, and is surprised that she has managed to go for so long in her adult life with it as absent as it has been. The way Ellana freely touches her is at first, something that made Cassandra not so much  _ uncomfortable _ but something that she is just  _ not used to _ anymore. Most of her days are spent in some form of  armour, which leaves little more than her face uncovered, which, even if she were to be touched Cassandra would not  _ feel.  _ But Ellana has a way - despite the armour Cassandra wears on a daily basis - of finding the places that Cassandra can still feel touch, usually her arms, because they are the most neutral, but despite this, the sentiment still warms Cassandra. Before Ellana Cassandra can say that she never really thought much about her singular existence, but now she finds that touch is something she very much appreciates, and ultimately  _ intimate  _ -be it companionable or sexual- touch is something she actually finds herself actively craving at times, and feels if she ever entered into a relationship with anyone it would be something she would spend a lot of time making up for, simply because  _ she could _ and mostly because  _ she wanted to _ .

Drifting back to the present from her scattered musings, Cassandra is aware enough to realise that despite their closeness, the pair are separated by blankets and ultimately not sharing much body heat in the cold that somehow, feels like is getting worse as the night progresses, because she is also aware of the fact that Ellana is actually shivering and Cassandra makes a split second decision to find a way to get them both under the same blanket so they can better share their combined warmth. With some maneuvering and a very pliant Ellana, Cassandra manages to get them both settled, and as she feels herself drifting back into slumber with Ellana in her arms, the last thing Cassandra remembers thinking is  _ yes, I could definitely get used to this. _

__

The rest of their time spent in the Hinterlands Cassandra spends in introspective thought which almost always ends in a circular argument of  _ “Am I actually interested Ellana or just flattered by her attention?” “I like spending time with her” “I want to get to know her better” “But Ellana is a woman”  _ and  _ “I’m not interested in women?” _

Cassandra also finds herself observing Ellana and how she interacts with Dorian and Bull. It's no surprise to her that Dorian and Ellana are close, considering the events they went through at Redcliffe together. She finds the comradery between Ellana and Bull perplexing at times, but is always appreciative of Ellana’s quick wit outpacing Bull’s innuendo when the pair get together. 

And for once Cassandra becomes aware of the fact that Ellana glances her way with a look she can’t quite place, and she does it  _ often _ . If she notices Cassandra being distant as she keeps her horse away from the others, she doesn’t say anything, though Cassandra knows that she will more than likely ask if there is anything she needs help with when it's just the two of them preparing to retire for the evening, because Ellana is both selfless and considerate like that (something Cassandra knows she will more than likely dismiss with an “It's nothing”) which is yet another thing that Cassandra finds endearing about the woman. The pair hadn’t spoken of the morning they woke up under the same blanket together, but she suspects that it was the topic of a long conversation between her and Dorian for a few hours, judging by the looks the pair both surreptitiously gave her when they thought she wasn’t paying attention to the two of them because Bull and herself were discussing the merits of dual handled weapons compared to dual wielded (to say Bull was excited when she told him of her youth spent learning combat with two short swords, and not a  sword and shield is an understatement, and Cassandra is half tempted to attempt the style again just to see Bulls reaction). But Cassandra notices some small things about Ellana that she wouldn’t have if she wasn’t paying such close attention to her whilst struggling internally trying to figure out exactly how she feels about things. Besides the glances, Cassandra discovers that on the few times they have ridden together in relative silence, enjoying the easy companionship, Ellana has a tendency to steer her horse close enough to Cassandra for them to brush legs on more than one occasion. Watching her interactions with the others, Cassandra is almost jealous at the ease with which they interact, until she realises there is something slightly different about the way Ellana smiles at her, and just how  _ often _ she does so. Then there is the way Ellana seems to laugh more freely around her, and with a strange kind of warmth that she hasn’t really heard her use around others except Dorian before. Whenever they speak Cassandra always feels like she is the only person that Ellana is aware of, and she’s pretty sure it has something more behind it than strictly platonic intentions, but in her inexperience Cassandra finds she can’t quite put her finger on it.

 

  
After sealing the breach properly earlier that day it takes Cassandra a while to track Ellana down amongst the celebrating crowds in Haven. She eventually finds her near the quartermaster, watching the revelry from a distance, nursing a mug of something she looks uninterested in touching.

“Not enjoying the fun?” Cassandra asks quietly to announce her presence, even though she knows that Ellana, with her sensitive hearing, would have already heard her coming.

“I’m enjoying the view. Also wondering the best way to sneak off without anyone noticing so I can get some sleep.” Ellana replies without turning around. “Though it's nice to spend some time with you, like always” Ellana smiles shyly as she turns to face Cassandra as she comes to stand beside her.

Cassandra isn’t sure if Ellana says these things because she knows they throw her off balance, after all she hasn’t yet been able to stop herself from becoming flustered and tripping over her words trying to respond - but despite her aloofness, everytime Cassandra hears the honesty in Ellana’s words a small part of her natural tendency to keep people at a distance lessens, if only for a moment and only for Ellana. Slowly but surely she is worming her way further through her defences and if it were any other person Cassandra would more than likely strongly  oppose the intrusion to her solitude, but she honestly can't bring herself to object. After finally closing the breach with the help of the mages Cassandra can’t help but appreciate the small time for breathing that such a victory has allowed not just the Inquisition, but  _ Ellana _ most of all. Even in the dim light the exhaustion she is feeling is writ clear across her features and Cassandra is almost about to offer her her help in finding a secluded area for her to rest without disruption (it would only be right for Cassandra to join her to make sure of it as well she reasons to herself) but the words are stolen from her mouth as the warning horns start blaring and panic quickly spreads through the village at reports of a large force approaching. 

  
Leaving Ellana behind to set off the final avalanche on her own fills Cassandra with a sick sense of dread as well as other emotions she doesn’t have the time or wherewithal to even want to begin to process right now and it takes Bull almost hauling her over his shoulder for  her to turn and leave Ellana’s side. There are so many things that she wants to say but she doesn’t know how, so with one final glance she retreats with the others feeling like a coward, and with a silent prayer to both Ellana and the Maker -   _ come back safely to me _ .  

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As always feedback is appreciated :)


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Might be the last lengthy update for a while. I'm still writing the rest of this and I have 5 weeks of uni left before I can procrastinate life in peace.

Cassandra feels numb as she watches Leliana shoot the flaming-arrow that is the signal for Ellana to fire the trebuchet and (hopefully) trigger the final avalanche burying Haven to aid the rest of the Inquisition in their escape. As the seconds pass, panic stills her breath until  _ finally _ there is an impact on the side of the mountain and the Dragon and it’s master make their escape out of the the angry sea of white snow that is hurtling towards Haven.  _ It should have been me down there  _ Cassandra feels, overtaken by a wave of guilt.  _ It should have been anyone else other than her, we were all willing to sacrifice ourselves _ the less emotional part of her reasons.  _ The work you must do with the Seekers is too important for just  _ anyone _ to do. You don’t know who to trust or just how far the corruption spreads within the organisation.  _ But Ellana is more important than all of them in light of this new threat, and not just because the mark on her hand makes her the only person capable of closing the rifts or Maker forbid, the breach. No, Ellana is important because she is the face of the Inquisition. She is the figure that so many people looked to for hope and guidance on how to get through the troubling times after the events at the conclave, a thing that even Cassandra herself was not immune to. Personal confusion aside, Cassandra often found herself admiring the woman for her strength of character and her willingness to make decisions not everyone agreed with but needed to be made. At first Ellana’s choice to ally with the Mages felt like a mistake, but now, knowing that the Templars had aligned with this new enemy, she is honestly  _ thankful _ that the Mages are on their side because the thought of opposing mages with uninhibited power or moral obligations, not to mention twisted by Red Lyrium is not a thought that Cassandra particularly likes. 

But there is still the question of moving forward without Ellana, and how they can still continue the work that the Inquisition has started. Not many of the people know of the fate that has befallen The Herald, but it is only a matter of time before word spreads and demoralisation takes ahold of their organisation. But right now a blizzard is setting in, and Cassandra needs all of her energy to focus on keeping track of the party they are travelling with and to keep her eyes out for resources they can use and places they can seek shelter. 

Cassandra loses track of time, as everything is just a desolate white landscape surrounded by snow and windswept trees, and with the wind cutting through her like knives and chilling her armour, she worries that she is going to be burned by it despite the padding and layers of fabric separating the metal from her skin. All that she and the rest of her companions can do is continue to put one foot in front of the other and hope that the storm will break soon, if only to boost spirits a little.

The slope of the hills around them suggest they may be coming into a valley and a ripple of relief echos through the group when after turning around a narrow bend, they are sheltered from the worst of the weather and further down the hill there is a suitably large and protected clearing, with enough space for them to set up a temporary camp whilst they figure out what their best course of action is. 

Cassandra finds herself turning to the person at her side only to be disappointed that is isn’t Ellana and is overcome with sadness at the prospect of a future without the diminutive silver-haired archer who has come to be such an important part of her day to day life. Part of her wants to be alone to start to come to terms with the grief that she can feel bubbling under the surface of her calm exterior, but duty is still more important than her current needs and Cassandra gathers herself and sets off to help with the task of pitching tents and lighting fires, because the survival of the whole is more important than her current needs right now, and she will deal with what she is feeling when she knows that she will not be disrupted.

Cassandra is sitting on a log that is around one of the larger fires, enjoying the warmth that is slowly starting to seep back into her body after their trying days spent trekking through the mountains, when Leliana takes a seat beside her, handing her a steaming mug of herbal tea, their bodies touching so that they can better share what limited warmth that they can.

“You miss her don’t you.” is all Leliana says, and Cassandra doesn’t even need to ask her to clarify who she is talking about.

“I do not know how we will do what work that needs to be done without her” Cassandra replies gruffly, knowing that Leliana will get to whatever point she plans to make in her own time. 

“Cassandra” Leliana starts in a tone that draws her gaze, and is wise enough to never argue with whenever she is (rarely) on the receiving end of it “I am more worried about  _ you _ than the rest of us” She says are she waves her hand vaguely around the camp “You two were beginning to become close no? In all the years I have worked with you I have never known you to show any interest in anyone beyond what you needed to, until  _ Ellana _ that is,” Leliana adds emphasis to Ellana’s name, Cassandra knows trying to get some kind of a reaction to, and she can’t help the sigh that is all the confirmation Leliana needs from escaping her lips. “I thought so.”

Cassandra takes a long sip from her tea, relishing the warmth she can feel spreading through her body as the hot liquid hits her stomach, and gathers her thoughts, thankful that Leliana is here to talk to her without judgement and knows that anything said between the two of them will never be heard by another.

“I care for her. She has come to mean a great deal to me these past months, and I valu-  _ valued _ her friendship.” Cassandra says correcting herself mid-sentence, feeling that she may as well start to get used to her absence in her life.

“We don’t know for sure that she is gone though. Haven is riddled with old passageways so she may have found one and escaped through there. Ellana is a walking miracle- it may be too soon to tell that she didn’t survive. I will send my scouts out in the morning to follow our trail back to Haven to see if there are any stragglers. Right now I think you need some rest, go sleep I will keep an eye on things for you.” Leliana all but commands Cassandra ( _ it is a pity that she and her lover are separated, Leliana is a formidably protective partner _ Cassandra thinks to herself  _ and would make an excellent mother considering all the years she’s spent henpecking me _ , which Cassandra can’t help but smirk at, because Leliana controlling something as uncontrollable as children would be a sight to behold) so Cassandra finds herself with little choice but to comply and resigns herself to a night of drifting in restless slumber in the tent that she and Leliana share. 

 

The next day the scouts come back after midday empty handed because of poor weather and any hopes that Cassandra might have had are fully dashed, and the advisors spend the rest of the afternoon loudly arguing over their next best course of action which only successfully results in frayed tempers (Cassandra’s and Cullen’s most notably, which surprises Cassandra because she was not aware that Ellana and Cullen were as close as she has now discovered them to be, and she feels strangely  _ jealous _ at the revelation.) and a plummeting camp morale. Cassandra decides to take a walk hoping that the cold will help settle her temper and clear her head and makes her way back up the ridgeline to get some distance between herself and the camp. She has been standing on top of a large boulder admiring the view of the mountain landscape around her (one of her favourite parts of this part of Thedas, as they’re not a common sight in Orlais where she spends most of her time. There is something beautiful about the sweeps of snow capped mountains that she finds both humbling and awe inspiring in their grandeur and scale.) when the strange  boy that came to them the night of the battle of Haven  (Clinton? Corey? Cole?  _ Cole) _ and makes Cassandra feel uncomfortable being in the presence of appears at her side and starts speaking to her in his roundabout and confusing way that makes no sense to her.

“Cold, cold, so cold, biting into my skin leaving me brittle. I can feel myself drifting, but I just want to see her face one last time. Is she alright? I don’t want to die without seeing her again. It's too  _ cold. Please let it end soon. _ ”

The boy is gone before she even has a chance to figure out exactly what he’s saying, but she has the distinct impression that in his abstract way he was telling her that someone needed help and that they needed it  _ now _ . Cassandra turns to make her way back and get help from camp but she sees a figure moving towards her, too large and slow to be a wolf, which are everywhere in these parts, but -  _ shit _ it's a person, a realisation that has Cassandra leaping off of the boulder she’s standing on and running as fast as she can in the soft snow that is up to her knees. 

It's not until she gets much closer that she realises that the bedraggled figure stumbling towards her in the snow is  _ Ellana _ and the immense feeling of joy mingled with relief is quickly squashed when Ellana falls to her knees and promptly keels over sideways, which is a terrifying sight to behold. Closing the distance as quick as she can Cassandra awkwardly picks Ellana up, who has turned into little more than dead weight in her unconscious state, hugging her to her body to share what little warmth that she can, with her head tucked into her neck to protect her face against the wind. The blue of her lips and the ice clinging to her nose and eyelashes break Cassandra’s heart because they somehow make the cuts and scrapes on her face look even worse than they probably are and Cassandra makes her way back to camp as fast as she can with a whispered mantra of  _ hold on, stay with me I’ve got you. _

The mood of the camp after Ellana’s miraculous return is quite high, even with the woman having been unconscious the entire time. The most critical thing for them to do was get her warmed as quickly as possible after Solas and Vivienne have healed all of her wounds and impulsively Cassandra volunteers to be the one to take on the task  (Cassandra can’t help but roll her eyes in exasperation when Leliana shoots her a knowing smirk) and after stripping down to her stockings and an oversized linen shirt she joins Ellana under a bundle of blankets and furs, wincing slightly at just how  _ cold _ her entire body is against the length of her own. She is not entirely sure what possessed her to be the one to volunteer for the task, but she suspects it's might be in part because she wants to make sure for herself that Ellana is solid and  _ real _ , and not just the result of some kind of cold induced dream and because, knowing from previous experience, Ellana would not be entirely opposed to the idea of waking up entangled with Cassandra, something that she is not entirely sure would be the same for other members of the Inquisition. The pair still haven’t spoken of the night in the Hinterlands, but she hasn’t really felt the need to bring it up in conversation because she feels as if the two of them have started becoming closer in the weeks since. Drawing Ellana as close as she comfortably can and positioning them so that she is cradled against her chest with her head  supported by Cassandra’s arm beneath it - a position that has the cold length of Ellana’s nose tickling the side of her neck which causes a wave of fondness to sweep over her, because ultimately it's a reassurance that Ellana is here, and much more importantly that she is  _ alive _ \- Cassandra finally settles and falls into a much needed sleep of her own.

 

The next day the only thing she is aware of is how warm she is, and after having spent the last few days on the verge of freezing she hazily resolves to not move from her current position for as long as possible, but that is challenged when she becomes aware of the fact that she can hear voices, more importantly she can hear  _ Dorian and Leliana _ speaking in hushed tones somewhere near her and she naturally tenses when she becomes aware of the fact that they’re talking - in part - about  _ her. _

“Look at how cute they are. Should we wake them?” Dorian whispers, nowhere near as quiet as he thinks he is. 

“No. Let them rest for a few more hours. The last few days have been draining for the both of them and will they need their strength in the days to come.” Leliana replies almost inaudibly, before the sounds of shuffling lead Cassandra to believe the pair have left.

“They’re gone now, you can relax.” comes a muffled voice from above her head.

During the night the pair have apparently switched positions, with Cassandra finding herself with her head resting in the crook of Ellana’s neck and her arm thrown possessively over her small waist, clutching the fabric of her shirt between her shoulder blades. Ellana embraces her with one arm around her chest and her other hand resting lightly on her stomach, which is drawing lazy circles with one of her fingers, and Cassandra can’t help but feel completely secure,  _ safe _ even, in Ellana’s arms, which given that she is still recovering from her time exposed to the elements is a strange role reversal, but not an unwelcome one.

“If I didn’t know any better I would say that this is becoming a habit for the two of us,” Ellana says warmly, and Cassandra can feel her chuckle from where her head is resting near her chest, as well as the rumble that spreads through it.

_ It's definitely one I enjoy  _ Cassandra thinks to herself but lacks the courage to say out loud, as it doesn’t feel like the right time to broach such an important topic  _ if there ever will be one. _

“Yes, well, we figured it would be better if  _ I _ was the one to help warm you, Cullen and Bull volunteered but we weren’t sure how you would feel with anyone else. How are you feeling?” Cassandra asks as she reluctantly loosens her grip so she can make eye contact with Ellana, who is looking a lot better now that she is healed, warm and out of the elements. Though there is a unguarded softness to her gaze as she smiles shyly at Cassandra that causes the breath to catch in her throat, and Cassandra can’t help but truly realise - despite her evident exhaustion - just how beautiful woman in her arms is. 

“I feel ok,” Ellana replies simply, with a quirk of her lips.

“Just ok?” Cassandra asks, worried that Ellana might not be telling her the full truth to appease her feelings.

“Just - just do me a favour and be quiet for a second” a response which does little more than confuse Cassandra, as she watches Ellana close her eyes and sigh contentedly, tightening her grip momentarily before smiling warmly at Cassandra.

“Thank-you for finding me out in the snow. I don’t know what drew you to be out there at that moment but I am thankful for whatever quirk of the Maker’s will that allowed it. And thank-you for looking after me now. I don’t think it would be the same waking up with Cullen instead of you,” Cassandra must have had a look of confusion on her face because Ellana quickly elaborates, “I know that in some small part you at least care for who I am as a person, not just as a figure or ‘attractive’ woman. Something I’m not sure of with Cullen sometimes. Not to mention _ he’s a man, what would people think, _ ” Ellana finishes whispering in a scandalised tone, which Cassandra can’t help but chuckle at. Even in her current state Ellana is capable making jokes, which reassures Cassandra far better than any words could ever hope to. 

“I think you’re going to be fine.”

“I hope so,” Ellana replies quietly with a smirk before reaching up to cup Cassandra’s face, stroking the sensitive skin beneath her eye with an arrow calloused thumb tenderly. “You look exhausted. I say we take advantage of Leliana’s earlier words and rest some more while we can” A suggestion that Cassandra feels no need to protest and settles back onto the pillow beneath her, soothed by the gentle patterns she can feel Ellana tracing on her face, almost certain that she can hear Ellana mumble something that sounds like  _ Ma Vhenan  _ and a pressure on her forehead before she slips back into a peaceful sleep.

 

The next time she wakes, Ellana is gone, but hasn’t been for long because the blankets are still fairly warm to the touch. Rising and dressing quickly Cassandra exits the tent in search of her and something to eat, because she is  _ starving _ after her long time abed. She finds Ellana at the main campfire, ladling out portions of whatever is cooking on the fire into two separate bowls in front of her.

“Hungry?” Cassandra asks as she makes her way over to her, brushing her arm in a passing gesture of greeting.

“No, I figured you were probably as hungry as I was so I decided to grab something for you as well,” Ellana replies as she hands a bowl over to Cassandra “Now you’ve just saved me the trip”.

The pair eat quickly and Cassandra is certain that Ellana has the same thought as her because when they’re done they make their way over to the where the other advisors are conversing quietly over a map spread out on a makeshift table trying to figure out where they can possibly go from here. 

The meeting goes as well as all of the previous ones, only now there is an extra heated voice that's been added to the fray and after an hour of solid bickering the group spreads out, and Cassandra leans over the map in frustration, just willing for  _ something _ to jump out at her as a possible solution. Scrubbing her face in frustration she catches sight of Ellana conversing quietly with Mother Giselle across from her in one of the open fronted tents that had been set up to put makeshift beds in. She doesn’t know what they speak of but she can see the tension ease from her body as Ellana stands less rigid the longer the Mother talks to her.

  
Cassandra has forgotten how effective singing can be at raising spirits when all hope feels to be lost when Mother Giselle starts singing and almost everyone gathered joins in. It almost feels like a form of magic, and since leaving the capital all those months ago in search of people that could help Justinia’s cause she forgot how much of a simple pleasure it was just to hear people singing in harmony. 

 

Cassandra frowns when she sees Ellana walking away from the masses with Solas, who has been absent since the night that Ellana was found and wonders what it is that he needs to say that can’t be said where they can both be seen. But Ellana seeks her out when she is done with whatever conversation she has with Solas and the air of excitement that follows her is palpable. Solas has found a place that he thinks will suit the Inquisitions needs and they will set out towards it the next day. Despite the amount of sleep Cassandra has has in the past day she still feels a weariness in her very bones that she’s not entirely sure she will ever shake, at least not until they find a place that is not half buried in snow with minimal protection from the elements, she hesitates, wanting nothing more than to return to the nest of blankets that take up the tent that Ellana has been given, but heads in the direction of the tent she shares with Leliana instead, not knowing if it would be appropriate or even if Ellana would want her company, when she feels something grab onto the sleeve of her shirt from behind and turns to find herself face to face with Ellana, almost as if she had been summoned by her thoughts. 

“Would you mind staying with me again tonight? I don’t really feel like being alone at the moment,” Ellana asks sounding nervous, which surprises Cassandra, because Ellana always comes across as being so sure in everything that she does, but  the thought of spending the night cozily warm with Ellana is too appealing to say no to, and it isn’t long until Cassandra finds herself drifting off in the security of Ellana’s arms, wondering how she can make this a more regular occurrence before sleep finally claims her. 

 

Their trek through the mountains to wherever Solas is leading them to is quite perilous, as there's no paths so they have to follow the natural lay of the land, and at times the way is quite steep. Cassandra can’t help but grumble at the combination of cold, wet feet, though she is quite thankful for the calmness of the weather. Cassandra is walking at the centre of the group with Leliana and she only ever briefly catches glimpses of Ellana ahead of her when they walk in a straight line, and Cassandra finds that she misses the company of her, after how close they have been over the past several days, but the thought flits from her mind as an excited chattering spreads through the crowd, and Cassandra makes her way to the front of the group with as much haste as the snow allows, and the sight that greets her leaves her temporarily speechless. Before them nestled within an arc of mountains and with a flat, clear plain surrounding it from it's elevated position is an ancient fortress that looks like it's foundations are carved out of the very mountain it is built upon. Even from this distance it is obvious that the structure has some damage, from both battle and the ravages of time, but with the combined efforts and resources of the Inquisition it shouldn’t be a very hard task to make the place secure and habitable. 

  
Whilst Ellana spent her time at the head of the group as they were on the way to Skyhold, Josephine, Cullen, Leliana and herself started debating the idea of  _ Ellana _ being the one to become Inquisitor. They all agreed that she had already been doing the job and was the public face of their organisation, so it made sense for them to finally make her status as the unspoken leader of the Inquisition a reality. Cassandra has no idea how Leliana managed to save the ceremonial sword in their flee from Haven, but there are a lot of things the woman does that are a mystery to her. All that's left to do is find the perfect time to officially declare Ellana as Inquisitor.

The first few days in Skyhold Cassandra is sure Ellana barely sleeps, because there is so much work to be done and Cassandra always sees her  _ doing  _ something for someone around the keep. On their fourth day there is a marked improvement in the state of their surroundings and Cassandra is with the other advisors, when she see’s Ellana headed towards them and the four of them make a silent agreement that  _ now is a good a time as any _ and the others disappear to finalise things.

Cassandra isn’t sure why she is the one that has to be the one to tell Ellana of their decision, but she suspects it's Leliana and Josephine's doing, and that it's because of how close her and Ellana have become since the Inquisition was re-formed. It makes sense to Cassandra though. If she was getting news like this she would want it to come from someone she considered a friend. Part of Cassandra always thought that she would find herself in the role of Inquisitor, which was ultimately something that she did not want but she would do if she was required to, but with the arrival of Ellana and her actions over the past months and the symbol of hope that the woman was, in a way Cassandra was  _ glad _ that Ellana had the role instead of her, and knowing that the road forward would be a steep one, Cassandra resolved to support Ellana as best as she could. 

Watching Ellana lift the sword above her head as she publically declares the Inquisition to be in service to all those in Thedas that are against Coryphyshit, Cassandra can’t help but feel a sense of pride at how far Ellana has come, and looking at all of the people in the courtyard looking at her like the hero that she is, Cassandra is sure that they have made the right choice in making her Inquisitor, and when Ellana turns to smile at her she can’t help but return it in earnest and for once, she doesn’t question the growing affection she feels for the small woman in front of her. 

  
  
  


She could strangle the woman. Well, not really. But the other thoughts that Cassandra finds herself entertaining if only fleetingly are troubling, so she really isn’t in the mood to think about it, not right now anyway. It started when Ellana stumbled across her reading one of Varric’s romance serials  _ “Swords and Shields” _ in her favourite shady spot in the courtyard. After some hesitation Cassandra opens up to Ellana about her love for not just romance novels but passion in general. Normally Cassandra feels uncomfortable sharing this side of herself, preferring that others know as little about her as possible but this is  _ Ellana _ and the woman is nothing if not a master at worming her way through Cassandra’s defences and the first person Cassandra has truly considered a good friend in all  her adult life to date. After some light teasing from Ellana and a brief moment of horror at her expressing a desire to read the series for herself Cassandra doesn’t think much more about that afternoon. That is until a few months later, when minding her own business running through drills against the practice dummies she is approached by both Ellana and Varric, who are wearing a matching pair of mischievous grins, which considering the two, is something that does little more than make Cassandra highly suspicious and more than a tad worried as to just  _ what _ the pair are up to or are about to do.

Cassandra feels herself torn between annoyance at Varric now having the knowledge of him being one of her favourite authors (the smug bastard) and elation at just how  _ Ellana _ a gift of this calibre is. Considering how often the woman goes out of her way to help complete strangers whenever they’re out on expeditions it really shouldn’t be as much of a surprise that Ellana would do the same for her, but  _ it is _ , mostly because gifts are not a thing that she often receives, and in a way that makes the whole situation a whole lot more meaningful for Cassandra.  The smile she gives Ellana is genuine when Varric explains that this whole thing is her doing (the look of horror on Varric’s face at the Seeker  _ smiling _ is worth the break in her usual stoic public persona, Cassandra finds with some satisfaction) and Ellana’s returning smile is all crooked lips and crinkled eyes (Cassandra swears she has never seen Ellana smile that way with anyone other than herself) and Cassandra finds that it has a strange effect on her heartrate, and she can feel the warmth spreading across her cheeks at the attention. But now she has finished her tasks for the day and armed with candles and a mug of tea she makes herself as comfortable as possible on the pallet that she has claimed as her own in the area above the forges and starts to read.

It's funny, normally she enjoys being swept away in the romance of her books, as bad as others claim them to be, and quite often finds herself being in the place of the the female character on the receiving end of the male hero’s attentions, but as reads she begins to find herself no longer imagining herself embraced by the strong muscular arms of a man, but wonders instead what it would feel like to have the thin, deceptively strong arms of a certain troublesome elf embrace her. The idea of a burly swordsman coming to her rescue or sweeping her off her feet doesn’t seem to have the same appeal it might have a few months ago - not that Cassandra needs the help, she is perfectly capable on her own thank you - but having someone who views her as a capable equal, who stands beside her and compliments her strengths as well as her weaknesses? That is something that Cassandra tentatively finds herself increasingly open to the more time she spends with Ellana. The gift is something she will treasure, not because of what it  _ is _ but because of what it  _ means _ . The fact that Ellana was able to convince Varric to write this, solely for her benefit alone sets the butterflies that have recently taken up residence in her chest aflutter. Her candle is nearly burned to the stub and her forgotten cup of tea is long cold by now, and it is only because she is having trouble focussing on the words that Cassandra manages to convince herself to put the book down, and fall into a slumber in which a certain silver haired elf features quite prominently in her dreams.

  
  
  


Cassandra is aware of the fact that Ellana is an attractive woman. With her small stature and sharp features she is classically beautiful in a way that bards sing about, but coupled with her expressive green eyes and hair like spun silver there is something about her that Cassandra finds herself lacking the words to accurately describe. 

Sitting around the fire one night as they're returning to Skyhold from a short journey to the Hinterlands to track down a rogue Templar, Cassandra is subtly watching Ellana mend the sleeve of her coat as she hones the edge of her sword with a whetstone when it really hits her just how beautiful the woman is. Watching the firelight colour her hair a pale gold and the way the flickering of the flames washes over Ellana's skin adding a warmth to it that Cassandra knows she would also radiate. What really catches Cassandra off guard is the realisation that despite her best efforts to suppress the thought, she genuinely finds Ellana attractive,  and not entirely on a platonic level. Her mind wanders with the thought of what it would be like to run her fingers through Ellana's hair, would it be as soft as it looks? What would it look like out of it's usual mess of intricate braids? What would it be like to hold Ellana? Not just for protection,  no she has done that plenty of times before,  but for the sake of intimacy and the need for human touch? (maker knows she had gone without that for an incredibly long time) . Would Ellana indulge her in her need for tactile physical contact with those she cared about? Would her lips be as pliant and soft as they looked? What noises would Ellana make if Cassandra paid attention to the small cluster of freckles under her ear that she finds so fascinating _? -   _ Cassandra jolts to her senses at this though, dropping the stone in her hand and slicing her palm open in her distraction,  her hiss of pain attracting Ellana's attention away from her mending to see what's happening. 

“Cassandra are you alright?” Ellana asks concerned,  as she makes to move over to where she is. 

“I'm fine,  I- it's just a cut. I need something to wrap it with,” Cassandra says harsher than she means,  part in confusion to her previous train of thought and frustration at her own clumsiness.  But it doesn't faze Ellana, who is now beside her and is reaching for her hand to inspect the damage.  

“It's not as deep as it could have been. Wait here whilst I go get my field kit,” Ellana instructs before making her way to their shared tent and coming back with the small bag of herbs and linen she kept for minor injuries. 

“Do I even want to know what has you so distracted you weren’t being as careful as I know you usually are?” Ellana asks as she gently starts cleaning Cassandra’s hand with a damp square of linen. 

“It's nothing, I just… realised something,” Cassandra answers absently as she watches Ellana’s delicate hands gently spread - from the smell of it - some kind of paste made from elfroot over the cut before wrapping it snuggly in the linen bandages. Cassandra hopes that Ellana can’t feel the racing of her pulse where her thumb is resting on her wrist, a reaction which adds to her confusion from her previous train of thought and that the darkness obscures the blush that Cassandra can feel spreading over her cheeks as she realises that the physical things she can feel right now are  _ caused _ by Ellana’s tender ministrations.

But now Ellana is looking at her curiously, as if the train of Cassandra’s thoughts will reveal themselves to her if she just watches close enough and Cassandra finds herself warmed by the realisation that Ellana cares enough about her to worry about not just her physical, but mental well being, something that Cassandra can’t say that she has really had since before her brothers death, and despite the length of the relationship between her and Regalyan she was never entirely certain if he cared in the same manner. But here was Ellana, someone she had really only known for a few  _ months _ who was willing to not just stand beside her on a battlefield, but help her mend herself when injured and even trek halfway across Southern Thedas to help her fulfill her duties as a Seeker. Cassandra is drawn out of her train of thought when she hears Ellana sigh softly, smiling sadly before saying;

“Just know if you need someone to talk to I’m always here for you, alright?”

Then gathering her things, makes her way over to their tent after bidding Cassandra goodnight.

  
  


It's three days after their return that Cassandra confronts Ellana about her attentions on the battlements. 


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is un-edited and I apologise I guess.

_ Fuck.  _

 

“ _ I hope we can remain friends _ ” the words taste wrong coming out of her mouth as she watches the expression on Ellana’s face fall trying to hide behind her usual aloof sense of humour before Cassandra walks away, leaving her alone on the battlements. She doesn’t know what possessed her to say what she did, Cassandra mainly suspects fear - fear of the impact such a relationship could have on the Inquisitor and fear of just what her recent self revelations might actually mean for her and her future. In a way she does not blame herself for her rejection, as Cassandra feels it would be far worse to lead Ellana along anymore than she already has only to break her heart at some point in the future, but part of her is convinced that she has just made a very big mistake and because it is coming from a part of her that is usually right in it's deductions, Cassandra can’t help but feel a tiny bit of fear that maybe this is a mistake that can’t be corrected. Such a thing  _ shouldn’t _ happen.  _ Couldn’t  _ happen. It's for the best that Cassandra stopped this before it could go too far, because how could such a thing end well in the circumstances that they find themselves in? Death for either one of them was a risk they lived with everyday. How could Ellana want someone such as Cassandra? Stubborn and stuck in her ways, fueled by her quest for the truth and justice and often at times blinded by both. Ellana needs someone who isn’t quick to anger and slow to forgive, and she definitely needs someone who doesn’t have a history of having the people closest to her die. No, it's for the best, Ellana deserves far better than Cassandra could ever hope to give her, and it will hurt her at first but in time Ellana will move on, and find someone more deserving of her and her attentions, of her  _ love _ , but that person isn’t Cassandra. It can’t be. 

 

Cassandra hopes that if she tells herself this enough times she will start to believe it.

 

 But the more she tries not to think about it the more Cassandra realises she is wrong. Ellana wasn’t working her way past her defences. She was already through them, and it was a such a natural progression of their relationship that she didn’t even notice that it had happened. The shift from trying to keep her at arm's length to where they are now - _friends_ if Cassandra had to give it a label - was something Cassandra never really thought would happen, not with her personality being such a stark contrast to Ellana’s, and especially not because they came from such different backgrounds and ways of life. But none of that seems to matter to Ellana, and Cassandra finds herself almost overwhelmed by the positive attention that the small woman insists on giving her. To hear her speak to her with such fondness in her voice is strange, and causes a pleasant sort of fluttering in her chest that she has gone so long without she almost forgot that it was even possible to feel such a way. The thought of trying to continue to keep Ellana at a distance feels futile, almost like trying to plug a dam with only your thumb and wishful thinking. And Cassandra finds herself wanting to let go and get swept away.

 The only problem is Cassandra doesn’t know how to even begin to fix the mess she finds herself in, nor does she know if her attempts would be welcome. She knows that in Ellana’s place she would be unwilling to open herself up again for fear of being hurt, even moreso because she knows if it were to happen for a second time - and despite her romantic tendencies - it would more than likely destroy her and that is a prospect she doesn’t exactly relish the thought of. She can’t help but think that the longer she waits to figure things out, the smaller the window for opportunity to fix things between the two of them gets. But her uncertainty is almost crippling, and when faced with a problem that she doesn’t quite know how to overcome Cassandra falls back into old habits to help improve her state of mind.

 Except clearing her head by destroying training dummies doesn’t work, and despite the physical fatigue it still leaves her mind as active as ever. Which is made all the more worse by the fact she knows she is too wound up to meditate properly and her inability to do something that is normally a second nature to her is beyond frustrating. She knows she should probably seek advice from Leliana, but she has a fairly good idea of what the woman will say. 

 

“Cassandra Pentaghast I knew you were a stubborn fool but I didn't know you were a downright  _ idiot _ ” Leliana admonishes her one afternoon as she and Leliana meet for tea - or in today's case wine - to discuss matters, a leftover habit from their time spent working for the Divine,  a few days before Ell -  _ The Inquisitor  _ Cassandra mentally reminds herself - is due to leave without her. In the days since the confessions on the battlements Cassandra has kept to herself,  but that doesn't mean she hasn't heard things around the keep going about her days. The gossip undulates between stories about the Inquisitor having not left her chambers for several days,  that she has taken Dorian as her lover and that is why neither have been seen (Cassandra finds that tale quite amusing,  considering even she,  in all her obliviousness can see the way Dorian and Bull act around each other) and every possible combination in between. 

 “Don’t even think about denying anything. Tell me what happened between you two. You’ve destroyed more dummies than I want to count and The Inquisitor has hardly been seen beyond her rooms or the War Room and every time you two do interact it's is a _painful_ experience for everyone in the room. What have you done?” Leliana demands, leaving no room for any argument Cassandra might have futilely attempted. 

Sighing and rubbing her face in frustration, and not even wanting to bother with protesting at how this entire situation is  _ her _ fault Cassandra tries to figure where the best place to start is knowing that not telling the entire truth to Leliana is more trouble than it's potentially worth.Making her way over to one of the benches near Leliana’s shrine to Andraste, Cassandra sits heavily and props her head up on her clasped hands, elbows resting on her knees as she leans forward (not to make a quick escape easier, she swears). 

 “I… confronted Ellana about her intentions towards me. It did not exactly go well” Cassandra sighs. 

 “I take it you panicked and said something you now regret?” Leliana asks with an edge of exasperated affection to her lilting voice.

 “.....Yes,” Cassandra admits sighing. “I told her I was flattered by the attention but I was not interested in women in that way.” 

 “And now you’re not entirely sure if that's true or not.”

 Cassandra hesitates, thinking of her interactions and relationship with Ellana to date and finds herself lacking for a clear answer.

 “No. I don’t know. _Ugh_ I don’t _know_ Leliana, I haven’t felt drawn like this to anyone before, let alone a _woman_ and I would be lying if I didn’t find these new discoveries about myself confusing to say the least. Not to mention that  she is The _Inquisitor_ and such a relationship could cause problems for her among our allies at the very least” Cassandra says feeling defeated.

 “You don’t know that. And even if it did, if you are both happy what matter is the opinion of others hmm? But I suppose at least you know where you stand right now, which helps with whatever decision you might make going forward. Though you know my love and I came together in similar circumstances” Leliana starts as she joins Cassandra on the bench. “You also know I’m only prodding you on this because you of all people deserve happiness, more so in these conflicted times no?”

 “Yes. And I appreciate it, but I just don’t know what to do. When I think of my future I see Ellana in it but I don’t know _how_. I only know that I feel like she has a place in it but I’m not sure in what context. What if I’ve ruined everything already?” Cassandra says as she runs frustrated fingers through her short hair.

 “I think you need to speak with Ellana about that to know for sure. Maybe write her a letter considering how bad you are with words?” Leliana suggests teasingly, having worked alongside Cassandra long enough to know her strengths as well as her weaknesses.

 Cassandra snorts in agreement, knowing that Leliana, despite her words has the best intentions for her at heart.

 

 

 

It takes Cassandra two nights of frustration at her lack of skill with words and multiple drafts that were satisfyingly destroyed with flames for her to finally write something she was remotely happy with. Now she just had to muster the courage to actually deliver it personally, not wanting to entrust such a trivial matter with anyone else - for fear of the note being read, and out of wanting to make sure it reaches Ellana before she leaves.

 She eventually works up the courage (Leliana refused to let her use one of her Ravens to deliver the note, despite her near begging) the night before Ellana is due to leave to deliver it to the one place that Cassandra is certain Ellana will be. It is not a surprise when Dorian answers the door to the Ellana’s tower room, looking very much like someone who is preparing to spend the night.

 

“Cassandra…. What a surprise to see you here so late. What can I do for you?” Dorian asks her through the partially open door, using his body to bar the entrance - a  futile sentiment considering how much stronger Cassandra is than he, but one she understands quite clearly.

 “I wanted to speak with The Inquisitor before she leaves tomorrow”

 “And why should I let you do that,  considering the past week?”

 “I.. I don’t want to leave things the way they are between us. Not if I’m not out there at her side to help protect her” Cassandra responds defensively. She may have messed up, but surely Dorian knows that Cassandra cares quite strongly about Ellana’s wellbeing? “Is she doing alright? How is she?” Cassandra asks quietly, hoping that that the uncharacteristic softness of her tone and slight pout will help persuade Dorian to at least answer the question, even if he is unwilling to let her into the room.

 “Come and see for yourself” Dorian sighs as he steps aside to grant Cassandra entrance. “But just know if you make this worse, I _will_ set your boots on fire”, a threat that Cassandra knows Dorian is more than capable of following through on. 

 The sight of Ellana takes her breath away. Not because of her beauty, no that will always awe her to some degree Cassandra feels, but because of how _exhausted_ she looks not to mention there is no mistaking the puffy eyed signs of time spent crying recently. Gone is the bright smile she is usually greeted with and it has been replaced with a tight lipped face of neutrality - something Cassandra is sure she will spend contemplating over the next few weeks in Ellana’s absence because _she_ is the reason that look is on Ellana’s face in the first place, and the thought leaves Cassandra unsettled. 

 The conversation between the two of them is full of titles and as tense as any that the pair had when they got off on the wrong foot together back in the dungeons of Haven, and when Ellana looks genuinely surprised when Cassandra tells her she cares she is left feeling inexplicably raw, devastated even, and after finally giving Ellana the letter she has written for her, Cassandra leaves feeling worse than she did when she entered. The next morning with a sinking feeling of dread Cassandra makes her way to the battlements to see Ellana and her party off when they leave.

 

That night for the first time since her childhood Cassandra cries herself to sleep.  


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Cassandra gets advice from unexpected places.

The first few days after Ellana and her party leave Cassandra is listless. She’s been on every expedition since the beginning of the Inquisition so she’s not entirely sure what to do with the free time she’s never had before. She has no official role within the Inquisition so she can’t distract herself with reports and she has yet to have an uninterrupted meeting with Cullen to discuss training, so beyond her normal morning prayers and exercises Cassandra is at a complete loss as to how to fill her days.

 She tries reading, but as much as she normally enjoys the tales of romance, now they just leave her feeling frustrated, at both her inability when it comes to her _own_ romantic life and at how much the books remind her of Ellana and the gift she gave her. With Bull and Blackwall gone she has no one she finds challenging to spar with. Normally she would ask Leliana, one of the few people that Cassandra has struggled to beat the times that they have sparred, but she rarely sees the woman outside of her tower where she always has her nose in some piece of correspondence from someone in her network. Cassandra worries that the woman is working herself too hard and knows that in part she feels responsible for not knowing about the events of the Conclave before it had already happened, and is in her own way making up for that by knowing as much as she possibly can now to prevent anything happening to members of the Inquisition. Cassandra resolves to find a way to get the woman to stop working, even if it's only for a few hours a week.   

 Frustrated at the interruptions with every meeting she’s tried to have with Cullen Cassandra takes it upon herself to travel down to the main camp at the base of the fortress to see for herself what is happening and how she thinks things could be improved. Cullen’s second in command Rylen is a capable, gruff man and Cassandra appreciates his straightforward manner when she asks him his thoughts on the running of things. She spends a week down at the main camp observing how things are run and by the time she is ready to return to Skyhold she is armed with a list of improvements for Cullen and she refuses to put the meeting off any longer - Ellana gave her this task and Cassandra intends to complete it to the best of her abilities, even if she has to drag Cullen along with her - because she’s fairly certain that Cullen is trying to avoid her and her questions about his progress with Lyrium withdrawal. With Leliana’s help Cassandra manages to make sure that Cullen and her have enough time to discuss her suggestions and figure out what they agree on in regards to getting things done. They decide to leave the next day to spend time down at the main camp - no point wasting time travelling back and forth from Skyhold everyday Cassandra reasons - until things are sorted and running smoothly.  

Cassandra finds that she enjoys the time spent down working with the recruits. What many of them lack in skill they more than make up for with enthusiasm and a desire to do their best to help combat Corypheus and his forces and when Ellana returns Cassandra thinks that the Inquisitor paying a visit would do wonders for morale, something that Cullen agrees with.  

The three weeks that they spend outside of Skyhold pass quickly, and Cassandra is glad for the time spent occupied to distract herself from thoughts of Ellana. They should have reached the Exalted Plains by now and Cassandra wonders what kind of progress that they might have made in their short time there, and more importantly (to Cassandra at least) if Ellana was safe and well.

 

Now that she doesn’t have the distraction of drills and training in her days Cassandra is again at a loss with what to do with her time. Her investigation into the location of the missing members of her order is slow going, and the lack of information leaves her frustrated. The Seekers were a secretive order, but it should not be possible for them to disappear without a trace. Her encounter with the Lord Seeker in Val Royeaux troubles her, and part of her  is suspicious that other forces are at work, and she sincerely hopes that Corypheus isn’t involved, though given the current state of the world, that is beginning to feel more and more unlikely. 

At a loss and in need of advice Cassandra decides to seek out Leliana, the only person other than Ellana that she trusts enough to speak of her fears about the order. The woman's different perspective on things has helped Cassandra in the past and she hopes that this time is no different.  

She is relieved - and honestly not surprised - to find that Leliana has been keeping her ear out to find anything she can about the Seeker’s within her own network and telling her all she knows confirms things for Leliana and opens up new avenues for her agents to investigate. At some point, their conversation turns into idle talk about Cassandra’s time with Cullen down at the main camp.

“I hear that you were very popular amongst some of the recruits” Leliana comments with a smirk, pouring glasses of wine for them both, and Cassandra can’t contain the noise of exasperation that escapes her lips.

 “Oh hush, Cullen is our military commander and _you_ are a valued member of Inquisitor Lavellan’s personal circle, I would be remiss if I _didn’t_ have at least one agent down there. You are both desirable targets on your own but together? Who knows what ideas some opportunistic people might come up with no?” 

 Like usual Leliana has a point, not that Cassandra has ever particularly liked the idea of a blade in the dark keeping her safe, she had come this far in her life looking after herself and survived the few attempts at her life that had taken place whilst serving both Divines. Her reputation as the Hero of Orlais never helped in that regard and sometimes she wonders just how many more might have attempted that she doesn’t know about because of Leliana’s intervention. 

 “Though, whether you like it or not, regardless of the current state of your relationship if anything happened to you Ellana would be affected greatly and for the sake of us all I will do whatever I can to make sure nothing can happen, not after the incident with Josie and the House of Repose” Leliana says with finality before drinking deeply from her glass. 

 Despite knowing Josephine was a target Cassandra knew that Leliana felt partly to blame for how easy it was for a member of the illusive assassins guild to make it into Skyhold and make an attempt on the life of one of her oldest friends.

 “That wasn’t your fault. Even if you did stop them that time they would have found another way to get what they wanted” Cassandra tries to reassure her, which is met only with a hum in response. As cold and ruthless as many people thought her to be Cassandra knew that _Leliana_ , the woman behind the Nightingale was  loving and gentle, as well as fiercely protective of those she cared about, and the fact that though unspoken Leliana considered her (and she was beginning to suspect Ellana as well) one of those people meant more to Cassandra then she ever thought she could say.   

 “I wrote the letter like you suggested, and delivered it to her in person,” Cassandra says, changing the subject. 

 “Hmm? And how did that go?” Leliana asks, looking up as she re-fills her glass, a look of genuine interest on her face. 

 “Dorian answered the door, I didn’t actually think that he would let me in. Ellana looked….  sad - oh it was terrible Leliana, to know that she was upset and that _I_ was the cause of it. Dorian threatened to set my boots on fire if I said anything to make things worse”

 “Just your boots?” Lelaina teases with a smirk. 

 “Whats wrong with them?” Cassandra asks indignantly. She knows of the other woman's love for shoes, but Cassandra has never seen the practicality in owning more pairs than she needs to, not with how often she finds herself travelling for long periods of time. 

 “Nothing…. Except for the fact they’re one of the only two pairs of footwear you own” Leliana remarks looking innocent, which Cassandra snorts at. 

 Of course Leliana knows how many pairs of shoes she owns. At this point in their friendship Cassandra would be surprised if Leliana didn’t know how many times she had read her favourite book or how the hue of the sky right before dawn is her favourite colour and that when the leaves start to change colour from greens to red is her favourite time of year.

 “I realised something when I was  trying to write to her though” Cassandra admits - purposefully ignoring Leliana’s previous remark -  pausing to raise her glass to her lips. She doesn’t buy the look of surprise on Leliana’s face for a second, knowing that Leliana more than likely suggested writing Ellana a letter _because_ it would make her stop and think about herself and what she wanted. 

 “I want her in my life, more than I thought actually. Both as a friend and something more. Once I realised that it made it easier to say what I wanted to say to her.” 

 “But?” Leliana asks, picking up on the hesitation in her voice.

 “What if she doesn't feel the same way anymore? I know she spends a lot of time with Sera and her and Josephine are close -” 

 “Let me tell you one thing I know about Ellana.” Leliana interrupts her mid sentence. “She has only ever had eyes for _you_ since Haven. Did you ever notice that she seemed to wander off more often when you took it upon yourself to find her everytime she did? I cannot say for certain how she feels now, but I do know that she see’s Sera and Josie as friends and confidants. I get the impression that she likes her women a little more _formidable_ ” Leliana finishes with a smirk

 “ _Formidable_?” Cassandra scoffs. Headstrong? Yes. _Stubborn_? Yes. Never in her life does she ever think she’s been described as _formidable_ though. 

 “Capable, strong, passionate, _protective_ , righteous, beautiful, caring. All things I would say describe you well no? You are a formidable woman Cassandra and people _notice_. I know you never pay attention to that sort of thing but even during our days with Justina you turned many heads, some of which I was able to use to our advantage. Though, I  don't think Sera can offer Ellana the intimacy and stability she craves and Josie…. Her interests were elsewhere, though they would be good together don’t you think?”

 Leliana’s statement intrigues Cassandra, though for the time being she ignores both it and her suggestion, more concerned with her current problem about what to do if Ellana is still as interested in her as Leliana insists she is (in Cassandra’s experience Leliana is rarely inaccurate in her assumptions, though there is always a first time for everything). “Say Ellana _was_ as interested as you say she is,” Cassandra starts unsure of how to articulate her thoughts into words “how exactly would I go about showing, _courting_ her?”

 “Ah the _romance_. You know her better than I do -” Cassandra's snort of amusement interrupts Leliana mid sentence, earning her a sharp look in return. “I can only tell my experience with Sophia. The Dalish are very practical and they don’t have things for the sake of having things. Anything that you give Ellana that she can use or has meaning would probably mean more to her than any trinkets or gifts. _Doing_ things for her would probably mean more than anything you ever gave her - well,” Leliana’s words are punctuated with a suggestive quirk of her brow that Cassandra merely rolls her eyes at, earning her a wry smile in return. “Sophia always found more joy in the things she did for others and what others did for her, and I feel Ellana is the same.”

  _Sophia_ , Warden Commander Mahariel,  The Hero of Ferelden and Leliana’s  long time lover. Leliana rarely ever bought the woman up in conversation, and on the occasions she did Cassandra felt privileged that Leliana trusted her enough to talk about what was sometimes a painful topic for her, she would never admit it but Cassandra knew there were days when her loneliness and the distance were hard for her

“I’m sorry Leliana, I did not mean to bring up such a sensitive topic for you”

 “Nonsense, the world needs more happiness, and you two deserve whatever good that you can find, and if you can find it with each other? C’est magnifique” 

 “Have you heard from her recently?” Cassandra asks, genuinely curious. 

“No.” Leliana sighs. “Not since Ellana reached out to contact her. She sent me a letter with the rest of her correspondence, and she ensures me that she is well and misses me dearly. Hopefully soon her quest will be over and we can be together again, but I don’t think that will be anytime soon”

They spend the rest of the afternoon talking about nothing, and everything, and at some point - around their third bottle of wine she thinks -  Leliana lowers her cowl and Cassandra is reminded of how young the woman under the weight of the title of  _ Nightingale _ is, and just how warm her personality is the rare times she relaxes. Their talks are good for the both of them, and Cassandra eventually leaves feeling lighthearted, and with a few ideas of what she can do to court Ellana upon her return. 

 

The days after her talk with Leliana Cassandra finds herself with a renewed sense of purpose. Normally she prefers to attend to her morning devotions in the privacy of her space above the forge but, on a whim one morning she decides to join the small congregation that meets in the small chapel in the garden, feeling the need to share in the atmosphere of the few that gather in the pre-dawn light. 

On her way back into the main keep she passes the small area Ellana has claimed for herself to grow healing and rare herbs and notices that some of them are in need of tending to to keep them alive, which, coupled with Leliana’s advice from their previous conversation gives Cassandra an idea.

 

 

Over the weeks of Ellana’s absence it becomes normal to see the Seeker in the gardens, stripped of her armour and shirt sleeves rolled up tending to plants with a gentleness that few would ever think her capable of. At first Cassandra has no idea how to even begin to look after plants, but after some guidance from a nervous young chantry sister Cassandra manages to master the basics and before long the plants all growing healthily.

As time passes Cassandra feels a sense of pride at the fact that with her ministrations the plants are not just thriving but have almost doubled in size. One afternoon she is finishing up and admiring her handiwork when she is paid a visit by the last person she would ever expect to seek her out. 

“So Seeker, is this another one of those things I have to pretend not to know about you?” Cassandra bristles, as she hears the  gruff voice of Varric behind her. Just once she would like to enjoy something without him finding out about it and potentially using it for inspiration for one of his books. 

“What do you want Varric?” Cassandra asks, not bothering to reign in the irritability she feels whenever she’s around the dwarf.

“Just wanted to see for myself if the rumours were true. Turns out they’re not as unbelievable as I thought” Varric answers with a chuckle, irritating Cassandra more than usual. “Though I don’t think Blueberry would ever believe it if I told her”

  _Blueberry_? Cassandra wonders to herself, feeling like she should know what - or knowing of Varric’s fondness for obscure nicknames - _who_ he is talking about but all that she finds herself thinking of is her brother Anthony and the memories of shared blueberry pastries from her childhood before his death. 

“You alright Seeker? You look like you’ve seen a ghost.” Varric’s words cut through her musings, snapping her back to the present.

“I’m fine,” Cassandra gripes half heartedly, her words lacking her usual bite despite the irritation she always feels whenever she spends time with Varric. 

 “Gotta say, I thought Buttercup was having me on when she told me about this, but apparently I owe her a bottle of Antivan Brandy after all” Varric chuckles.

 “Ugh. You and Sera need to stay out of other people’s business” Cassandra grumbles, wiping her hands on a rag that she has tucked into her breeches, standing at her full height to tower over Varric, something that she knows makes him nervous which she finds more satisfying than is probably appropriate. 

 “It's a nice gesture though Seeker. I’m sure Blueberry will appreciate that someone decided to look after her hard work whilst she was gone. 

  _Ellana must be Blueberry Cassandra realises after a second, wondering what Varric’s reasoning behind that particular association is._

 “Oh?” Cassandra asks, curious as to exactly what Varric means.

 “I think this is one of those little things that she has that still make her feel normal I guess. I mean, her words were ‘The plants don’t give a shit that I can close rifts, they just want water and sunshine’ which given her line of work, I can’t say I really blame her for that view”

 Cassandra snorts as she crosses her arms. It's definitely something Ellana would say, though she never knew that the mark - and by extension her title -  felt like such a burden to her at times, and Cassandra wonders what she can do help Ellana shoulder the responsibility Cassandra is partly to blame for her being accountable for. 

“I know that look Seeker. I also know that she wouldn’t have wanted to say anything because she feels like this is something for her take care of on her own, and that she wouldn’t want to bother you with her problems”

 “But it wouldn’t bother me at all?” Cassandra says, confused that Ellana wouldn’t come to her with her fears and slightly jealous that she would confide such things in Varric instead of her.

 “I know that Seeker,” Varric reassures her, which is strange to Cassandra. “I think she just doesn’t want you to worry about her anymore than you already do.”

 “Why would she tell you these things?” Cassandra asks confused. The _instead of me_ is left unspoken, but Varric is sharp enough to pick up on it. 

 “It's amazing some of the things people say after a few drinks and several rounds of Wicked Grace. You should join us sometime Seeker, who knows what you might learn,” Varric suggests with a wink. “Though I think you’d be surprised to know just how many pretty faces Blueberry has turned down in favour of staring longingly across the room at a certain ill-tempered warrior reading on her own” not deterred by the irritated noise that Cassandra makes Varric continues. “I’m beginning to think they only ask now to see who might actually get lucky enough to hold her attention for anything longer than the time it takes her to politely decline their advances.” Varric grins, shaking his head.

 “Was I the only one that didn’t know of her interest in me before it was too late?” Cassandra asks, genuinely curious at just how oblivious she was to all of this. 

 “I knew there was a reason she decided to leave you behind this time. What happened between the two of you?” Varric asks, eyeing her with suspicion, and Varric’s interrogation feels a lot similar to one she has already been through with Leliana.

 “Nothing that I don’t intend to fix as best I can when Ellana returns from the Exalted Plains,” Cassandra answers defensively. 

 “Good.” Varric says, giving her a look that is uncharacteristically serious.

 “Leliana has already had words with me about this, twice actually so there's nothing you can say that I haven’t already heard” Cassandra sighs in resignation.

 “Just as long as you know Seeker. Blueberry already has enough to do deal with, she doesn’t need a broken heart to got with it.”

 “It might be too late on that front.” Cassandra admits bitterly, surprised at the sharp look Varric fixes her with at her admission. “But - I will only say this once - I was scared, and I was _wrong_ and I will do whatever I can to fix things between us if Ellana allows it”

At her words Varric’s expression softens, and the look he measures her up with leaves her feeling like he’s figured something out about her that she doesn’t know yet. “She’s really done a number on you hasn’t she?” Varric asks, with no hint of malice in his tone. “Out of curiosity, have you ever been -  _ romantic _ \- with a woman before? Sure there were always plenty of rumours about the Seeker and the Nightingale, but I never believed them”

“No.” Cassandra answers, surprised at her honesty given how volatile her relationship with Varric is. 

“That makes sense,” Varric says nodding to himself. “And why you be so hesitant to start anything with her unless you were reasonably sure about it.” Varric’s words surprise her, because it's something she hasn’t admitted to anyone but herself, but given how observant he is, they really shouldn’t. 

 “Don’t worry Seeker I won’t tell anyone,” Varric reassures her, and for once Cassandra believes him. 

 “Thank-you Varric,” The words feel foreign as they pass her lips, but the sincerity behind them is genuine. “Though, if I were to give something to Ellana, what would you recommend?” Cassandra asks, genuinely curious, because despite Leliana’s suggestion, simply just _doing_ things for Ellana doesn’t feel like enough of a gesture.

 Varric appears to give her question some serious thought before answering. “I think just letting her have time where she can be herself would mean more to her than anything you could ever buy her. Though if you _do_ insist on giving her something, it’d have to be something practical or with a fair bit of meaning behind it for her. Hell, just you taking the time to look after her little nook of the garden would mean a lot to her.”

 “Thank-you Varric” Cassandra says again surprising herself. Despite their differences Cassandra know that he is just as protective of those that he cares about as she has a tendency to be, and she respects that. 

 “Ah shit now you’re making it weird Seeker, which means it's time for me to leave. Just think about what I said, and don’t do anything to make things worse than they are, for all our sakes - but yours especially” Varric says before beginning to make his exit, but pauses when Cassandra calls out after him.

 “Varric, why - why Blueberry?” Cassandra asks, curious at the coincidence.

 “Because she’s sweet, but she has bite,” is all he says, leaving Cassandra alone with her thoughts and her handiwork. 

 

 

That both Varric and Leliana both suggested the same thing gives Cassandra pause, and as she wanders the small market near the stables of Skyhold a few days later she finds that none of the wares really strike her as things that Ellana might like. Weapons are too personal, same with armour and enchanted items, and she wouldn’t even know what books Ellana has read let alone what she would be interested in reading. As she’s looking over greaves she spots a pair of - of all things -  _ slippers _ that catch her eye. They almost seem frivolous amongst the rows of hunting boots and armour, and Cassandra would have never normally paid them any attention, but Leliana’s words from weeks ago ring in her ears and she only hesitates for a moment before pulling out her coin purse and purchasing them. 

It's not until she’s safely back in the privacy of her own space above the forge that she bothers to look over them properly and despite their style they’re quite sturdily built, and that the leather quite supple. Sighing as she removes her own heavy boots to try them on Cassandra is surprised at just how comfortable they are and how easy it is for her to walk around quietly without the hard heel of the boots she normally wears.  

 It's almost been two months that Ellana has been in the Exalted Plains and as much as her work is a distraction, Cassandra finds that there are times where she _misses_ her and the easy friendship that they’ve had, especially in those moments where she’s so used to sharing her thoughts with Ellana. But, the thing that Cassandra finds she misses most about Ellana’s absence is her presence, just being around the other woman made her days feel a little brighter, and she found that she lost her temper less - even at Varric, if he noticed, he was smart enough to not say anything about it - and lately she found that she missed the soft sound of her laughter when Dorian said something particularly humorous or the sharpness of her wit whenever Bull tried to draw her into one of his lewd conversations. Cassandra would never admit it to anyone but on quiet nights alone in her makeshift bed she found that she missed the even sound of the other woman’s breathing as she slept, and on a few cold mornings she definitely missed the warmth of Ellana at her side as she shifted towards the only source of warmth in the cramped space of their shared tent out in the field. Instead she wakes cold most mornings, and sometimes in her half asleep haze she reaches out for something that isn’t there. Cassandra makes her way over to the bench under the window and sits heavily with a sigh. Scrubbing her eyes in an attempt to clear her mind, Cassandra knows that dwelling on these thoughts just makes things worse, so she grabs one of the books closest to her from the pile at the end of the bench in the hopes of distracting herself for the time being.

 Cassandra know that Ellana and party are likely to return soon, but she dare not ask Leliana if she has heard anything because although she already knows of Cassandra’s fondness for the other woman, Cassandra can’t help but feel that asking after her in such a manner would make her like the frustratingly incapable women from the romance novels she is so fond of. No, Cassandra can wait. A small part of her is relieved that there is such distance between them, because there is an odd sense of comfort in not knowing if Ellana has read the letter she wrote her or how she feels about things between them, but at the same time being a woman of action Cassandra wants to know where she stands and how she can go about moving forward to her life - whatever Ellana’s response is. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I think I need a beta


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I haven’t edited this so forgive me if its riddled with mistakes. See if you can spot the 12 month gap between writing this frustrating thing that has been stuck in my google doc as other more interesting things were written after it.

She overhears from a passing scout that the Inquisitor had returned late the previous evening, which whilst not unheard of, was uncharacteristic for her, because Cassandra knew that Ellana preferred to travel during daylight hours for the safety of all of them - travelling at night left her human companions with limited visibility and in the event of an attack or encountering demons it made defending themselves difficult. The news makes her nervous partly because she is worried that something might be wrong, but mostly because she hopes that Ellana has read her letter and knows where she stands on the possibility of them becoming something more.

It's with a great amount of self-control that Cassandra finishes her drills - using the eased practice of the motions to help clear her head and calm her racing heart - and makes the effort to actually bathe properly (albeit quickly in the freezing water) and after a moment's hesitation dresses in her usual attire. 

Ellana would have read the letter? She would have, wouldn’t she? She was too curious to ever let anything go without knowing all she could about it first. Part of Cassandra is paranoid that she may have discarded it in flames, but the idea is quickly dismissed, she has never known Ellana to be spiteful, and she doubts the woman would start now. 

The journey from the forge to the main hall feels like it takes forever, but Cassandra knows that it's just the uncertainty of what she’s walking into that makes it feel this way. Pausing to grab something to eat quickly to help settle the fluttering in her stomach and washing it down with a strong mug of tea Cassandra makes her way to the back of the hall to the door that leads to the Inquisitor's chambers feeling like every eye in the room is on her, and that they know what she has done and what she’s about to do. She makes it past the guard with ease - they had never felt the need for them this far in the keep, but with the attack made on Josephine a few weeks ago Leliana felt it was a necessary precaution for the time being, until the assassins were dealt with at least - and makes the long trek up the stairs becoming more nervous the higher she climbs.

The faint “come in” that follows her knock on the wooden door is barely audible this far down, but Cassandra lets herself in, excited at the prospect of seeing her friend but at the same time apprehensive as to where she stands with her now. She was not expecting the sight before her at the top of the stairs, and stops to take it in. Gone are Ellana’s usual braids and in their place her hair falls in damp curtains around her face as she concentrates on the paper she is reading. Her normally silvery hair is dark - almost black in patches -  and Cassandra finds herself thinking about how the colour brings out the green of her eyes far more than usual, until she realises that those eyes are  _ actually _ watching her. The moment between them is broken though, when Ellana stands - hissing loudly and clutching her chest in the process - and Cassandra’s protective instincts take over. 

“Inquisitor!” - Cassandra calls out taking a step towards Ellana, and then stopping, unsure of how welcome her advances might be or where Ellana’s injuries might be asking - “Are you injured? What happened?” 

Cassandra can see the brief moment of conflict on Ellana’s features - but whether it's from the pain or something else Cassandra isn’t sure - before she sighs, her shoulders slumping before she answers.

“We were in the Crow Fens, after establishing a camp we decided to see what we could find in the area when we came across one of the Templars you were after. We thought there were less than there were and one of them managed to blindside me with a shield bash, broke some ribs and my collarbone. Dorian healed the breaks but the rest has to heal on its own. I… figured we should head back to Skyhold for me to heal properly because I was too much of a liability in the field unable to use any weapons.”

The conflicting emotions that suddenly flood Cassandra take her by surprise. The sense of failure and responsibility is something she expects, given Cassandra’s fears of something happening to Ellana on their expedition without her there to watch over her. The anger she expects to. To attack in such a manner is cowardly at best, but knowing what she does about the Templar they were hunting it doesn’t surprise her in the slightest. 

What does surprise her is the leaden feeling in her stomach as she felt her heart sink at Ellana’s words - Cassandra didn’t miss how she skimmed over most of the details, and wondered if there was more to the story that she wasn’t telling her - the overwhelming sense of dread that she felt at the realisation that despite Ellana’s status, it was still entirely possible for something as uneventful as a stray arrow or a cracked skull to take her from them, from  _ her _ . 

Cassandra wanted more than anything to reach out and touch Ellana, to make sure she was really there, reassure herself despite her uncertainty of where she stood in their relationship. Cassandra took a quick moment to study Ellana’s appearance. There was evidence of bruising around her neck that she could see through the open collar of her loose linen shirt, and the stiffness with which she moved as she fiddled with one of the quills on her desk reminded Cassandra of the times that she herself had broken a rib. There was faded bruising on the side of her face, obscured mostly by the pattern of her Vallaslin but there nonetheless, and Cassandra didn’t find the thought of how it might have got there particularly pleasant so she pushed it from her mind. 

“Ugh, Ser Hildebrandt always was an opportunistic thug.” Cassandra starts, scowling darkly. “I am glad you took care of him though, even in my absence. It…. means a great deal to me.”

And it did, because the Seekers were an order that she had dedicated most of her life to, and Cassandra feels something in her chest constrict when Ellana admits that she did it because she knew how important the Seekers were to her. 

It’s strange to watch Ellana fidget with the quill in front of her, and Cassandra finds herself worried anew that things aren’t as well between them as she hoped that they could be after so long apart. They spend the next few minutes talking about the work Cassandra did with Cullen whilst Ellana was out in the field but Cassandra finds she can’t give Ellana her full attention. After so long without her Cassandra finds, listening to Ellana talk she missed the sound of her voice, soft as it was, but with a lilt to it that Cassandra could listen to for hours.

But what distracts her the most is when Ellana moves to brush an unruly piece of silvery hair out of her face, exposing the small triangle of freckles beneath her ear in the process. It’s longer than she remembered it being, granted the only times she ever really saw it out of its usual intricate mess of braids was when they settled for the evening in their shared tent out on expeditions, and reaches almost down to her elbows. Cassandra can’t explain why but it fascinates her and she wants nothing more than to touch it and see for herself if it’s a soft as she’s always imagined to would be. 

“Inquisitor. Ellana. I came here as I wish to speak with you about certain matters if you have the time.” Cassandra hesitates, clearing her throat before she continues, breaking herself away from her dangerous train of thought “I… think there are some things that we need to… discuss”

Ellana sighs in response “I agree, we do have things we need to discuss, but I have to speak with the others about our time in the Exalted Plains and I don’t know how long that will take. Would you be willing to have your evening meal with me here tonight so we can speak without threat of interruption or eavesdropping?” 

Ellana’s ready acceptance is more than Cassandra had anticipated and she finds herself agreeing with a feeling of relief - a release of tension that she hadn’t realised she was holding until Ellana herself allayed her unspoken fear that things between them were as bad as she imagined.

Cassandra can’t help but take a moment to appreciate the sight of Ellana before her, looking nothing like the Inquisitor with her hair damp and tangled around her face and every bit the young Dalish woman that she actually was, before the entire fate of Thedas was thrust upon her. Once again her fingers itch with the desire to touch, to run through the long strands, brush it behind her ears to keep any part of it from obscuring the loveliness of her face. Briefly, almost dangerously, Cassandra wonders what it would be like to bury her fingers in there, anchoring herself as she tastes Ellana’s mouth - 

She must have been silent for longer than she thought because she is drawn from her thoughts by Ellana smirking at her, asking if there was something on her face as if that were the only reason anyone would ever want to spare her more than a passing glance. Cassandra can’t help the flush that she can feel spreading across her features, no doubt serving to only make Ellana more curious to what she was actually thinking about.

After tripping over her words in embarrassment Cassandra manages to confess that the sight of Ellana with her hair down in it's current freshly washed state was  _ nice _ . 

She couldn’t even bring herself to be annoyed at the fact that the blush she could feel spreading across her face only served to make Ellana’s grin widen, and is surprised, after watching Ellana wince (her injuries, Cassandra suspected, were worse than Ellana was letting on) trying to do a simple braid, when she is asked to help Ellana with her hair.

It takes all of her self control for Cassandra not to spend more time absently playing with Ellana’s hair, especially after hearing the long breathy sigh that was in response to Cassandra scratching gently at her scalp as she ran her fingers through her hair to free it from some of the tangles as gently as she could. It was a sensation that she herself was fond of, on the few occasions that she had allowed anyone close enough to even touch her in such an intimate way (though the only person that has been that close recently has been Leliana, and only then to cut Cassandra’s hair on their long months on the road). It had been a long time that she had had hair long enough to do anything with - the small braid she wore around her crown the only remnant of the long hair of her youth - so Cassandra did the only thing she knew and managed to braid Ellana’s hair into an intricate braid that wrapped its way around her crown, similar to her own. 

Given how long it has been since she had done anything like that, she was impressed with her own handiwork and felt the blush from earlier return when Ellana thanked her whilst looking at herself in the mirror above the fireplace, and asking to be shown how to do such a style in the future. 

Not used to such flattery, Cassandra changes the subject by offering to escort Ellana down to the War Room, seeing that it was on her way to the armoury anyway. She is not sure what she has in mind, but she knows that hearing Ellana speak of her injuries earlier makes her want to find a way for Ellana to protect herself in Cassandra’s absence in the field, or if she finds herself in need even if Cassandra is with her. 

 

 

Cassandra could feel eyes watching her walk across the room, and knows without turning back that they belong to Ellana. The sensation is strange, and Cassandra finds that the hope that she feels for their… date? later that evening isn’t something she wants to quash. Remembering the bruising that she had seen on Ellana’s neck and face earlier steels her resolve, and after some discussion with Dagna, Cassandra settles on a Dragonbone dagger, the design and crafting she leaves in Dagna’s capable hands, seeing as she was more familiar with Ellana’s tastes having made items for her in the past.

  
  


“You know in some Danish clans, grooming is considered a courtship ritual of some significance,” Leliana says, appearing as if out of thin air in Cassandra’s area above the forges. It has long since stopping being surprising to Cassandra the way that Leliana could appear out of nowhere, though that didn’t mean it still didn’t catch her off guard at times.

“I take it your meetings are done for the day then?” Cassandra asks drily as she marks her place in the book she was reading before setting it down on the table in front of her.

“Yes, and I must say, you did an excellent job on Ellana’s hair, she was almost  _ glowing _ the entire time.” Leliana all but smirks in response.

“Is there something you needed Leliana?” Cassandra asks in exasperation, as Leliana moves to sit across from her.

“I just wanted to remind you to  _ be yourself  _ tonight. And to maybe make sure you wear that special blend of perfumed oil that you got when we were in Kirkwall. And those new shoes with your doeskin breeches”

Ordinarily, Cassandra would think that Leliana was teasing her, but knowing how much Ellana meant to her, Cassandra knew that Leliana was making these suggestions because of some reason that was not yet known to her. 

“Though, make sure you come by to see me after you finish getting ready,” Leliana says softly, and Cassandra knows that she will more than likely need a last minute pep-talk or something along those lines. “I’ll leave you to it for now,” Leliana says, standing to leave, before slipping out quietly the same way she came.

Cassandra follows suit, gathering her things to make her way to the baths and get ready for the night ahead of her. 


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Whatever really.

On her way to Ellana’s quarters Cassandra stops to see Leliana as she earlier requested and after studying her for a moment nods in approval before handing her a bottle of an Antivan wine that Cassandra knows to be quite pricey and dismisses her look of inquiry with “hush, you’re both worth it no?” before returning to her papers with a look of concentration which leads Cassandra to believe the woman's network is on the verge of a breakthrough. 

At Ellana’s door Cassandra runs into one of the kitchen hands laden with a basket she is meant to deliver to the Inquisitor and relieving her of her burden Cassandra makes her way up the stairs to Ellana’s quarters. 

Seeing Ellana illuminated by the soft light of the setting sun and the candles scattered around the room like tiny constellations momentarily leaves her speechless, and she can feel the breath catch in her chest. How is it possible that someone like Ellana was even remotely interested in her? With her personality being almost the complete opposite of Cassandra’s it almost didn’t make sense that they would even get along, let alone have the potential for something more. And then there was the fact that no matter where they went Ellana managed to effortlessly attract the attention of everyone in the room, and that those same people had a tendency to avoid interacting with Cassandra if at all possible, which never used to bother Cassandra in the slightest but now something in her worries about it in a niggling little way she can’t quite place. 

Insecurity about her appearance is new to Cassandra, and not a thing she typically finds herself worried about, preferring to let her work, and in some cases her sword speak for her and her abilities. But Ellana makes her question this, and Cassandra ultimately isn’t sure how she feels about it, or where to even begin to start to understand how to deal with such feelings of inadequacy. Next to Ellana with her dainty elven features, and her feminine shape, Cassandra can’t help but feel awkward with her warrior's body which has more solid muscle and definition than feminine softness, not to mention all of her battle scars that at times she does feel self-conscious about, especially the one on her face that is still in the process of healing - the scar tissue still quite vivid. 

When she sees the strangers with pretty faces try to capture Ellana’s attention she wonders what it is that makes Ellana disinterested in them and their advances - because she ultimately feels that if they are of no interest to Ellana, what is it about her that  _ is _ ? But these are questions for later, and maybe ones she will eventually work up the courage to ask Ellana one day, if only to hear with her own ears to settle her self-doubt. 

Cassandra is warmed by the fact that Ellana has kept her hair in the braid that she styled it into earlier that day, and has at some point even managed to weave some flowers in through the links and Cassandra thinks it suits her and her wild beauty perfectly. She can’t help but smile when Ellana finally turns and notices her presence and hopes the nervousness she feels doesn’t show, though most of her fears are allayed when she sees Ellana smile crookedly at her in the way she’s become so fond of these past months, wondering if she’s underdressed in her favourite breeches and new shoes when she sees Ellana’s gaze linger on them.

“I encountered one of the serving girls outside your quarters downstairs and thought I would save her the trip. ” Cassandra says, breaking the silence that has settled between them, drawing Ellana’s focus from whatever it is currently being distracted by.

“Hey,” Ellana greets her, sounding breathless, the crookedness of her smile returning, making Cassandra’s heart pick up its pace in her chest. “Just set that down on the table and I'll grab some glasses.”

Cassandra watches as Ellana moves to grab things out of cupboards she didn’t know existed and finds herself feeling warm - at both the sway of Ellana’s hips and the heat of the room - and moves to take her jacket off, hoping that the blush she can feel spreading across her cheeks can be blamed on the latter. 

Ellana’s dislike for cold of any variety was well known amongst her companions, and Cassandra suspected that it had only become stronger after her time spent wandering alone and injured through a blizzard after the attack on Haven all those months ago, so it's not really a surprise that her quarters are always well lit and cosily warm (though, sparing a glance at the oversized bed that is the main feature of the room Cassandra wonders how she manages to sleep on her own, having first-hand experience of how Ellana is drawn to any source of warmth in her sleep). 

Cassandra is hanging her jacket on the back of her chair when she sees Ellana staring at her with that strange look on her face again and not knowing what it means resolves to think on it later (and reluctantly bring it up with Leliana) and helps Ellana set up the things they need to eat their meal. 

It surprises Cassandra how quickly they fall back into their easy companionship that she found herself missing in the months that Ellana had been gone and after their confrontation on the battlements. Ellana is animatedly telling her stories of the things that she missed whilst the others were in the field - something about Bull and possessed skeletons - but Cassandra finds herself more focussed on the woman in front of her, and not her words. It's not the story that draws her in, it's the enthusiasm that Ellana tells it with, her fork flailing wildly the more into telling the story she gets. 

As strange as it is to admit to herself she finds that she missed the sound of Ellana’s voice, soft and melodic, with a warmth that soothes Cassandra’s nerves, and  _ despite _ her trepidation at the conversation the pair are yet to have Cassandra finds, as she laughs at something Ellana has said, that this is honestly the happiest she has been for a long time, and she only hopes that their impending conversation doesn’t change that.

Before she knows it they’ve finished their meal and the pair make quick work cleaning up their mess before settling on the lounge in front of the fireplace, lapsing into a companionable silence. Cassandra wants to be the one that makes the first move, it's her fault that things are like this in the first place and she wants to be the one that sets things right between them - after all, 

Ellana has been through enough thinking that Cassandra did not return her affections, and a part of her is glad that she was left the time to figure out her feelings without the fear of having her judgement clouded by Ellana’s presence, even if during that entire period she would have given anything to have Ellana there as her  _ friend _ and voice of reason to help her figure her feelings out -  but Ellana manages, like always, to be one step ahead of her and is the first to break the silence between the two of them. 

“I missed you,” Ellana says softly, drawing her attention away from the dancing patterns in the fireplace in front of her. “It wasn't the same without you out there. And not just because of how well we work together on the battlefield”, seeing the grin twisting her lips, Cassandra waits for the punchline, because this is  _ Ellana _ and by now Cassandra knows that the woman has a tendency to use humour to deflect the seriousness of her actual words.

Deciding to play along, for now, Cassandra hums in inquiry and twists so that she is settled and sitting facing Ellana with her legs tucked up underneath herself and one of her arms wrapped around her knees. 

“Turns out sleeping in a tent by myself is almost impossible.  Who knew your snoring was good for something, let alone lulling me back to sleep?” Ellana replies with a grin and Cassandra falls for it, responding with an indignant

“I do not snore!” before realising that in a roundabout way this was Ellana’s way of saying that she missed her and that she hadn’t slept all that well in her time out in the field. Even in the dim light Cassandra can see the tiredness in Ellana’s face, the bags under her eyes looking darker as the light from the fire plays over her facial features, and her heart clenches at the thought of Ellana waking alone from the night terrors that Cassandra knows she has but speaks little about, not wanting to be a burden on anyone by confiding in them (something Cassandra hopes she can change).

“Ugh you’re teasing me” Cassandra groans, feigning disgruntlement and she’s sure Ellana knows it judging by the warmth of her chuckle and her explanation. 

“I'm sorry,  I've been lacking for good wine and good company these past months. I'm afraid with my current abundance of both it's going to my head”

“Flatterer” Cassandra grumbles halfheartedly, blushing at the fact that Ellana views her as ‘good company’ which is not something Cassandra has ever heard herself described as being.

“I missed you too,” Cassandra admits quietly, her words punctuated by the popping of the wood in the fire. “It is so strange,  how much things have changed between us since we first met. I will admit I was not myself then, with everything that had happened in such a short time,  and I am slightly ashamed of my hostility towards you at the time. But I am glad we are… friends now”

And now there's no turning back. Not when Ellana’s response is a sour sounding “Yes,  _ friends _ ” and Cassandra starts speaking in earnest, hoping that for once her brain and her tongue can cooperate for long enough for her to say the words that she wants to say and don’t trip her up with their usual clumsiness. 

“I have told you in the past that I have a history of action before thought yes? As I mentioned in my letter, I - that day on the balcony I lied. Both to myself and to you. I have never been with a woman, but neither have I been with many men, not that I can say that I think many have ever been interested in me beyond my family name and title. I know what I want for myself in a partner, I want someone who can woo me and sweep me off my feet, but at the same time, I want someone who values me for who I am and what I believe in, and is there to support me when things are good and bad. Yes, I want a lover and all of the passion and romance that goes with a relationship of that nature, but more importantly, I want a  _ friend _ . A confidant, someone who I can rely on, but who will also let me keep my independence. The more I have thought about it, the more I feel I already had the beginnings of that with you” Cassandra pauses, scrubbing her face with her hands before shifting closer on the lounge so she can take both of Ellana’s hands in her own gently, the warmth she can feel reassuring her that this is happening, that Ellana is still here and that her words have not yet completely failed her.. “If you are willing, I - I would like to try courting you properly, to see what happens” Cassandra finishes in a rush, glad that she has finally managed to get that off her chest, and nervous about what Ellana’s response might be. 

Watching the different emotions that flicker across Ellana’s face as she processes her words Cassandra is once again struck by how beautiful she is, and an urge to hold the women in front of her takes her by surprise, because it is such a  _ new _ thing for her. The urge only becomes stronger when Ellana positively  _ beams _ at her, her smile so wide Cassandra can see the tips of her ears twitch even in the dimness of the firelight (which she finds endearing) and if it means what she thinks it means - oh she can already feel the overwhelming amount of happiness that is spreading through her and knows that she is smiling back at Ellana with a smile just as wide as hers.

Squeezing her hands in return, Ellana replies with a simple “I would like that very much, though I have some  _ conditions _ ” and momentarily Cassandra feels her heart fall as Ellana continues speaking.

“Firstly, I want to court you in return, you deserve everything you just said you wanted and much much more, and I want to be the one to give that to you. Secondly, I want you to let me know if things are going too fast for you or are making you uncomfortable so we can stop or slow it down. Your happiness is the most important thing to me and I want you to know that you can approach me about anything at anytime” 

Oh. Those aren’t what she was expecting at all. If anything, it's more than she could have hoped for. When she thinks about it it's not really that much of a surprise that Ellana has already anticipated the newness of being intimate with a  _ woman _ is for her and that even if she didn’t fully realise it herself yet it would be something that she would want to deal with and come to terms with at her own pace. Her consideration for her well-being makes Cassandra’s heart swell and the desire to just hold Ellana returns stronger than before. But Ellana has other ideas and she finds herself grinning foolishly on the lounge by herself with her eyes closed as she waits patiently for Ellana to return with whatever surprise she has for her.

The first thing she sees when she opens her eyes is a large bundle of flowers and Ellana’s sheepishly smiling face. She can’t remember the last time anyone ever gave her so many, and she’s pretty sure that no one ever has, and she’s amazed that Ellana has managed to find so many and of so many different varieties on such short notice - something that she must have voiced out aloud because Ellana tells her she was surprised at how many she managed to find in the keep alone - and she’s not sure she can smile any wider than she is right now.

Though, that's not the last of the surprises that Ellana has for her, and Cassandra is momentarily speechless when she unwraps a bundle of velvet to reveal the most beautiful battlehorn she has ever seen (and is frankly amazed at how seriously Ellana is taking the task of courting, and how early). 

It almost feels like too much to accept, and she has half a mind to refuse it - it's no doubt an excessively expensive item - until Ellana tells her she found it in her exploration of the Plains and that she was the first person that Ellana thought of when she did. To know that she was still in her thoughts despite the distance and the way things were between them when Ellana left surprises Cassandra, and she is certain that this is the kind of intimacy with another that she has spent most of her life unconsciously hoping to find, and now that she’s found it she resolves to never let it go.

Watching Ellana deep in thought, Cassandra for once lets herself stare unashamedly at the women in front of her who not minutes earlier agreed to be with her, and despite the upheaval she has caused since she entered Cassandra’s life, Cassandra thinks that this woman -  _ Ellana _ could easily be the person she wants to spend the rest of her life with, the threat of Corypheus notwithstanding. Everything about the woman in front of her Cassandra finds endearing and watching her as she bites her lip in concentration - Cassandra wonders exactly what she is thinking about that has her so focused - she realises that despite her earlier denials, she -  _ shit _ she is almost certain that she loves her.

At the realisation Cassandra finds herself wanting to just be close to Ellana and gently tries to grab her attention by lightly bumping her leg with hers, not wanting to startle her.  “Would you mind if we -” Ellana looks at her curiously when she can’t fully articulate what she wants to ask “Oh come here” Cassandra finishes with a sigh, lifting her arm and gesturing for Ellana to come closer so that she can draw her into her embrace. 

Ellana settles with her head resting on her shoulder and after some hesitation swings her legs over her lap and wriggles in closer until she has her face snuggled into the crook of Cassandra’s neck and her fist lightly grasping the fabric of her shirt where her hand falls at her waist. The feeling of Ellana’s nose teasing the column of her neck almost undoes her - how is it possible for such a simple thing to have such an effect on her? - and Cassandra can’t help but sigh in contentment at the comfort she feels at having Ellana practically wrapped around her the way that they are currently sitting. 

She knew Ellana was tired, but she didn’t expect her to fall asleep on her this way, and Cassandra chuckles to herself when she realises that for the time being she is stuck where she is. From where she is sitting she can see that the flowers that Ellana has woven into her braid are the same ones that were in the bunch that she gave her earlier and finds herself smiling at the realisation. With one hand she manages to pluck the ones that she can reach from her hair, not wanting them to be crushed in Ellana’s sleep when she eventually manages to get Ellana to bed.  

This is the longest she has ever spent time in Ellana’s personal quarters and Cassandra finds them to be an interesting reflection of who she is as a person. It's cosy, her desk, she knows is usually cluttered with reports and communications Josephine thinks that she needs to see, is clean, and Cassandra briefly wonders exactly what Ellana did with everything. A glint from above the fireplace catches her attention, and she sees all of the tiny carved figurines that she has seen Ellana collect over their months together out on expedition. Everything about this room has Ellana written all over it, and Cassandra is glad that she has managed to find a home for herself with these people who were strangers to her not that long ago. 

Cassandra isn’t sure what time it is but she knows it's late, and as much as she would like to stay where she is for as long as possible she knows that falling asleep sitting up won’t end well for her. Ellana shows no sign of stirring anytime soon and Cassandra doesn’t have the heart to wake her given how exhausted she knows she is, so as carefully as she can, and being mindful of Ellana’s still healing injuries Cassandra manages to scoop Ellana up and work her way into a standing position with relative ease. The only problem now she realises is Ellana has a tight grip on her shirt and there is a room full of candles she needs to find a way to put out. 

Sighing, Cassandra grabs the taper closest to her and makes her way over to the bed in the middle of the room, setting the candle on bedside table and with some difficulty Cassandra manages to turn down the sheets with one hand, and get Ellana to let go of the iron grip that she has on her shirt and settled and under the covers. Stretching, she sighs with relief when she feels her lower back pop in release, and makes her way around the room as quietly as she can blowing out the multitude of candles that Ellana has lit everywhere, stopping to stoke the fire before making her way back over to Ellana to check on her before she leaves when she hears a mumbled

“‘Assandra?”

“Shh Ellana,” Cassandra replies quietly “You need to rest, I’ll see you in the morning.”

“Stay?” Ellana asks her groggily, squinting at her as she visibly tries to fight off sleep for a few moments longer.

“Alright.”  Cassandra agrees, surprising herself with how little hesitation it takes for her to agree to Ellana’s request as she kicks off her shoes before joining Ellana in the space that she has made for her, and quickly finds herself in Ellana’s embrace, sighing as she settles beside her, Ellana’s chin resting on her head as she mumbles something Cassandra doesn’t understand the last thing she hears before sleep claims her.

 

  
Like usual Cassandra wakes before Ellana, so she takes the time to study Ellana as she rests, for once not worrying what might happen if she is caught. In this light it is easy to make out the slight smattering of freckles across the bridge of her nose and cheeks; and the intricacy of her  Vallaslin is better appreciated up close and in better light and looking at the detail of it Cassandra can’t help but be impressed at the strength it would have taken for Ellana to sit through being tattooed in such a sensitive area. She wonders about the scar the runs across her right cheek, faded with age but still quite noticeable . Cassandra finds it peculiar that they both happen to have prominent scars on the same side of their faces in similar areas, but also finds it comforting to know that hers has the potential to heal just as well. 

Ellana’s hair managed to stay in the braid that Cassandra had styled it into the day before but it has loosened in sleep, and is in a state of disarray Cassandra can’t help but want to rectify and gently starts to run her fingers through the long tresses in an effort to bring them into some kind of order. It's fascinating watching Ellana as she begins to wake beside her, and she almost feels guilty for rousing her but as Cassandra listens to her sleep thickened voice and the unguarded relaxed smile on her face as she jokes about how she imagined their first morning together - the fact that she  _ has _ thought of waking up beside her on a regular basis is pleasing to Cassandra, their times in camp notwithstanding. Feeling Ellana’s fingers stroking a sensitive spot on her waist Cassandra is overtaken by a desire to taste the smile on Ellana’s lips, and just Ellana in general. 

Something must show in the expression on her face because Ellana is looking at her like she’s just had a revelation and in her distraction Cassandra moves closer, enjoying the feel of their bodies touching so freely in such intimate areas. Cupping Ellana’s face she finds that her skin is as soft as she has imagined, and she watches as her eyes flutter when she brushes her fingers over the triangle of freckles behind her ear that Cassandra finds so fascinating. 

“Would it be alright if I kissed you right now?” Cassandra asks, voice thick in her throat as she can feel herself tensing in fear of rejection, which was foolish, because Ellana’s only response is a “please” that almost sounds like a whine and who is Cassandra to deny her?

_ Oh _

The sensation is almost overwhelming, Ellana’s lips are softer than she could have ever imagined and everything about the exact moment Cassandra currently finds herself in feels like coming _home_ in some vague way that she could never hope to articulate if she ever tried. A moment of fear grips her when after several caresses to Ellana’s lips are met with no reaction and Cassandra briefly considers pulling away before she feels Ellana’s mouth begin to move in earnest against her own and the wave of sensations it sets loose in her system leaves Cassandra less inclined to think and more inclined to just _feel_. 

She reluctantly breaks the kiss when it becomes almost impossible to ignore her lungs cry for air, finding that at some point she has managed to drape herself over Ellana, and  has no desire to move anytime soon - though she wonders if the smile she can feel on her face is in anyway as radiant as the one she finds Ellana giving her right now. 

Ellana says something stupid and the next thing Cassandra knows Ellana’s lips are hungrily claiming her own, muffling her laughter before it even has a chance to fully leave her throat. If she thought the kiss from before was good this one is almost overwhelming in its intensity, with Ellana kissing her with such vigour she can do little more than surrender to her ministrations. 

Cassandra suspects that this is Ellana venting some of her longing that she has kept to herself over the months that they have known each other and can’t begin to bring herself to protest - not when the whimper like sounds she can hear are coming from  _ her _ \- because she realises, as Ellana bites her lip once more before pulling away (something Cassandra can’t help but whine about in protest) that she was a complete and utter fool (again) that day on the battlements and if this is what she had been missing out on this entire time the two had been separated because of Cassandra’s stubbornness, she intends to make up for lost time, and she is certain that Ellana would more than likely be a willing participant. 

Catching her breath Cassandra buries her face in the crook of Ellana’s neck in an effort to regain some kind of equilibrium and (hopefully) the ability to speak in complete sentences. Feigning disgruntlement at Ellana’s teasing of her in her current speechless state - her protests to which cause Ellana to laugh out loud - and feeling a boldness that is new to her Cassandra latches onto the skin beneath her mouth and sucks with just enough pressure she knows will leave a mark, a method which she discovers is highly effective at not just stopping Ellana in her tracks, but drawing a sigh from her lips, something that Cassandra definitely files away for future reference and exploration purposes. 

Cassandra can’t help but feel slightly smug at the look on Ellana’s face and despite the slight expression of annoyance that is evident there, there is a look of pure want in her eyes that Cassandra is more than willing to let Ellana pursue  but both have duties that they have to attend to, and as much as she would like to spend the rest of the day cocooned in this bed with Ellana, they simply can't. 

Cassandra is both glad and overwhelmed by Ellana’s steadfast desire to make sure their relationship progresses at a pace that Cassandra is completely comfortable with, as such consideration for her needs is something she has never been given before, and yet it's just another way in which Ellana has managed to make herself at home in the space that Cassandra is steadily opening for her in her heart. 

Ultimately Cassandra knows that as much as she physically wants to be intimate, mentally and most importantly emotionally she isn’t quite ready to cross that line yet. This doesn’t mean that Cassandra is unable to express her growing affections for Ellana in other ways, no, and after the gifts that Ellana gave her last night she has a few ideas of her own of what she can do for Ellana, because selfishly she wants to be the cause of the well of emotions that she felt being at the receiving end of Ellana’s ministrations last night _for_ _Ellana_. It's only been a night since the pair tentatively entered into this relationship, but as she watches Ellana prepare for her day with a series of stretches she can’t help but think that this is a comfortable level of domestic intimacy that she could happily live in for many years to come.

Ellana hears the door before she does because she takes a moment to watch her anxiously before turning to greet the small elven girl that has bought them their breakfast warmly before relieving her of her tray, looking at in confusion.

It takes Cassandra a moment to realise that Ellana was worried at what her reaction would be to being found in such a compromising position, so early in the day and Cassandra decides then and there that given the choice, she would not willingly deny or be ashamed of her relationship with the woman that has recently come to mean so much to her.

Rising slowly, she moves to join Ellana at the table and quickly understands her confusion. Cassandra knew that Ellana had a hearty appetite most mornings, but there is enough food for two people in front of her, even considering this.

“I suspect Leliana might have had a hand in this. She has been quite vocal in her…   _ opinions _ about my stubbornness when it comes to the two of us. I wouldn’t be surprised if she had one of her runners keeping an eye on me after your return” Cassandra explains, and is amused by the exasperated sigh that Ellana replies with. 

Cassandra finds her thoughts drifting as her and Ellana enjoy their breakfast and wonders if along with the gift of her dagger, Ellana would be interested in having hand to hand combat lessons so she is more prepared to defend herself without her bow and in close quarters. Part of her blames herself for Ellana’s injuries, not because she wasn’t there to prevent them, but that she hadn’t done anything to teach Ellana to defend herself in close quarters.

She is broken out of her train of thought by Ellana grabbing her attention, asking what has her so lost in thought so early in the day.

“How would you feel if I taught you some basic close quarters combat, with either knives or daggers? Your injuries out in the field made me realise that I won’t always be by your side, and you need to know how to defend yourself without your bow. I have a feeling that expeditions won’t be happening over the next three months unless absolutely necessary with Josephine wanting to prepare you for court, and I know you well enough to know how well you like being cooped up without much to do with the knowledge of how much is to be done outside the walls of Skyhold, so we will have plenty of time for you to at least master the basics,” Cassandra asks, not knowing how Ellana will respond, and worried that Ellana may think that Cassandra thing her own current fighting style lacking in its current state.

Ellana doesn’t hesitate before responding with “I think I would enjoy that” and the pair go back to finishing their meal, all the while Cassandra begins to formulate a plan of just what she wants to teach, and resolves to ask Leliana for advice, seeing as her fighting style is already so similar to Ellena's. 

Not having a change of clothes, Cassandra waits for Ellana to freshen up and change before they can head downstairs to start their days - Cassandra not able to help the smirk or small laugh that escapes at Ellana’s addition of a scarf to her usual casual attire. Though she suspects that the loose half-up hairstyle that Ellana has chosen for the day is intentional because even though it is unspoken, Cassandra is fairly certain that Ellana is aware of her fondness of the silvery waves that are rarely left out of her bun. 

Ellana pauses when she meets Cassandra at the top of the stairs, stopping the press a kiss to her shoulder before taking her hand and leading the way down. 

Cassandra feels her chest swell with fondness at the tenderness of the gesture, and as she makes her way down the stairs behind Ellana finds herself increasingly distracted by her  narrow waist and swaying hips in front of her and seeing the exit in sight gently tugs on Ellana’s hand to stop her, knowing that this is likely the last moment they will have alone for the rest of the day. Stepping down further so that their heights are equal, Cassandra dismisses Ellana’s look of enquiry by cupping her face and kisses her softly, savouring the sigh she gets in response before pulling away and resting her forehead against Ellana’s not wanting to break the intimacy of the moment.

“I like that I can kiss you almost whenever I want now,” Cassandra admits quietly, her breath mingling with Ellana’s own. 

“I like that you do,” Ellana sighs before asking if she would see her again that night.

Ellana grips her hips softly when she agrees to meet her in her quarters again that evening, and Cassandra  knows that in this moment that there is nothing that either of them would enjoy more than forgoing their responsibilities and spending the rest of the day locked away in Ellana’s tower rooms, but she knows it can’t happen.

Cassandra is powerless to deny Ellana when she pouts asking for one last kiss for luck (and Cassandra knows that it will be the only thing that gets her through the rest of the day) and responds only by kissing her softly, hoping that Ellana can feel how much Cassandra feels for her just with her lips alone.

Cassandra is disappointed when she knows it's time for them separate and steels herself as the Seeker, watching fondly as Ellana becomes the Inquisitor. Cassandra places one last kiss to Ellana’s knuckles before squeezing their joined hands before letting go so that the pair can go about their day. 


	8. Chapter 8

It's been a week since the night they both discussed their feelings for each other. So far Cassandra has found a reason to visit Ellana in her quarters most days but it's still novel to go there without something that needed  _ The Inquisitor’s _ immediate attention. 

True to her word Ellana has managed to find a way for tiny bundles of flowers to appear in places Cassandra spends most of her time during the day and in places she doesn’t

She had received word from Dagna that the dagger that she wanted made was ready the day before. Cassandra was honestly surprised by the obvious amount of care that the dwarf had taken in crafting the item and the runes that she had decided to use (she was also tempted to take Ellana up on her offer to have anything Cassandra wanted to be crafted made, if only to see what Dagna could do for her) and was excited to make her way across the keep to see Ellana and her reaction to the thing.  

Cassandra is almost through the large doors to the main hall when a runner stops her informing her that the Inquisitor wished to speak to her in her quarters. She doesn’t think much of it until she passes the small area by one of the fireplaces that Varric has claimed as his own and she hears his unmistakable voice call out

“Good luck Seeker.”

“What?” Cassandra stops, confused.

“You’ll see soon enough,” is the only answer she gets, which confuses her more, but it is  _ Varric _ , she expects him to find some way of irritating her even at the best of times.

But Cassandra knows a dismissal when she hears one and continues on her way with a small noise of distaste.

It’s dark when she makes it to the top of the stairs in Ellana’s private rooms, which is strange considering it is only just past the lunch bell. The doors in Ellana’s rooms, which are usually open to catch the best of the breeze are closed, and a fire is burning brightly in the grate, making the room feel warmer than normal.

The room is silent and she wonders why Ellana would send a runner for her if she didn’t intend to be here to meet here.

“Ellana?” Cassandra calls out, thinking that she might be in one of the little rooms at the back of the main chamber or out on one of the balconies and hadn’t realised that Cassandra was there.

She does not expect the muffled “Go away” to come from the area of the bed that she’s only just now realised has all of the drapes closed, hiding Ellana from sight.

Cassandra sets the dagger down on a clean section of Ellana’s desk and makes her way over to where Ellana is apparently hiding.

“I can leave if you want, but why did you send for me if you did not want to see anyone?” Cassandra asks sticking her head through a gap in the fabrics surrounding the bed, frowning when she sees that Ellana is curled around one the many pillows, her face hidden from view.

“Send for you?” Ellana asks confused. Cassandra doesn’t miss the wince that crosses her face as she moves quickly to look at her, and Cassandra finds herself worried anew that her injuries might still be troubling her. “I didn’t send for anyo- Leliana the meddling ugh” Ellana groans when she realises what’s going on, and buries her face back into her pillow.

Cassandra is not sure what to do. If Ellana does not want to see anyone and appears to be in some sort of pain she doesn’t want to intrude, but the protective part of her wants to give comfort, to alleviate whatever ails Ellana but she doesn’t know how. They have only been ‘together’ for a week and with everything being so new to her Cassandra is unsure what to do.

So she decides to let her heart guide her.

Ellana doesn’t protest when Cassandra removes her shoes and gloves, joining her on the bed. Cassandra doesn’t know what the cause of Ellana’s pain might be, so she is hesitant to touch and even more hesitant to ask what Ellana needs, so she settles next to her on the pillows, not too close, but close enough for Ellana to reach out for her if she wants to and the pair sit in silence for a while.

“I don’t know why Leliana sent for you, I told her I’d be fine,” Ellana mumbles, turning her head to look at Cassandra beside her.

“Leliana does many things, though in my experience she has a habit of making sure people are in the places they are needed when they are needed the most,” Cassandra replies with a small smile, having been on the receiving end of Leliana’s protective kind of meddling for longer than most. “What troubles you?” Cassandra asks softly, reaching out to stroke Ellana’s cheek.

“Headache,” Ellana sighs, leaning into her touch. “Dorian says it's normal after my injuries.” 

Ah. After Varric’s words Cassandra suspects there’s more to it than what Ellana wants to talk about, so she focuses on what she knows, and why she suspects Leliana would have sent for her in the first place considering Cassandra’s experience with such injuries and her ability to pick out the sorest of spots and help ease them, something she has done for Leliana frequently in the past.

“Come,” Cassandra starts, gesturing for Ellana to move into a sitting position, moving so that she can settle behind Ellana. Her hair is still up in it's usual mess of braids, and Cassandra knows that they would be doing little to help with the tension in her head. 

Cassandra sets to work untangling her hair until it falls in waves around her shoulders, just as soft as she remembers it being from earlier.

Ellana says little as she does this, and despite the tension that she can feel in the body resting between her thighs Cassandra is flattered by the amount of trust Ellana has in her to do this without explanation and the intimacy that is involved. Everytime she did this for Leliana there was always some level of distance between them. Cassandra hasn’t been this close to anyone for a long time and as odd as it feels her - she assumes it's because she’s not used to it - the simple warmth of another resting against her is  _ enjoyable _ and she finds if nothing else she just wants to take Ellana in her arms and hold her until the pain passes. Even more enjoyable is the fact that Ellana would  _ let _ her.

She starts with a light pressure, working in small circles so Ellana can get used to her touch before moving onto more sensitive spots. It doesn’t take long for her to feel Ellana start to soften against her, the tension leaving her as she works. Cassandra finds a sensitive spot at the base of her neck (it is hard to miss the flinch with Ellana’s body pressed against her the way it is) and with some gentle exploration find that the tension runs all the way through her shoulders and down between the blades. 

“It may be more comfortable for you to lay down so I can get to the sore spots in here,” Cassandra says as she traces the area she’s talking about. 

Ellana hums in agreement (Cassandra suspects that she is almost asleep if how lax she is against her is anything to go by) and shifts so that she is lying face down on her stomach.

_ Oh _ .

Cassandra hadn’t thought of this when she suggested it, but the best way for her to properly reach Ellana's upper back she needs to be closer than she realised.  Not feeling comfortable at the idea of straddling Ellana, Cassandra settles for kneeling beside her at her waist, the outside of her thigh pressed against Ellana’s ribs.

Despite how close they are there is still a thin layer of fabric separating them. Cassandra wonders what it would be like to feel the warmth of Ellana’s skin beneath her fingertips and finds herself momentarily distracted by her train of thought, and is jolted back to the present at a hiss of discomfort coming from Ellana.  

“Whats wrong? Did I hurt you?” Briefly worried that in her distraction she had hurt Ellana.

“No it's just this shirt rubs,” Ellana says, turning her head to look at Cassandra over her shoulder. “Would this be easier if I wasn’t wearing one?”

“Yes,” Cassandra says, not thinking, but it's too late, and shes faced with an expanse of skin that she’s seen before, but not like this. Sharing a tent together on expeditions it would be impossible for either of them to have not caught glimpses of each other in various states of undress, getting changed or readying for bed, but this? This is  _ new _ .

The skin before her is smooth, and Ellana’s back is lean enough for her to see the soft bulges of the archers' muscles just below the surface. The discovery that Ellana isn’t wearing a breast band is also new. 

The feeling that settles in the bottom of her chest  _ isn’t _ new but is something she hasn’t felt for a long time. She has to temper the desire to trace the lines of Ellana’s spine, though her fingers tingle with anticipation at the thought of being able to touch Ellana’s bare skin. 

So she does.

Ellana is so  _ small _ . Cassandra’s splayed hand covers half the span of her back but beneath her fingers, she can feel the warmth radiating from her, the strength beneath her fingers and can’t help the overwhelming urge to  _ protect _ not just the Inquisitor (she would not hesitate on that, not just because it was her duty) but  _ Ellana _ from whatever harm is in their future (though thinking back to Varric’s cryptic words she suspects she will get to do this sooner rather than later).

Cassandra works the muscles beneath her fingers until she can feel the tension is mostly gone, and that Ellana is completely relaxed.

“I think this will do for now, any more and it will leave bruises,” Cassandra says softly, stroking the fine hairs on Ellana’s neck, savouring the contact before she has to move away. Feeling bold she leans forward and presses a kiss to the curve of her shoulder, earning her a mumble of approval from Ellana before she stretches, reaching for her discarded shirt.

Cassandra looks away to give her some privacy as she redresses, turning her head when she feels a hand on her cheek.

  
“You know, you don’t have to look away, I don’t mind you seeing me,  _ all of me _ ,” Ellana says, smiling softly at her.    
  
Cassandra can feel herself flushing at the implication before managing to stammer “I’ll keep that in mind,” rolling her eyes when Ellana’s mouth quirks as she holds back a laugh.

But her exasperation quickly fades, when Ellana leans forward to kiss her lazily along her jaw, lingering for a moment when she finally makes it to her lips, only pulling back far enough for her to rest her forehead against hers.   
  
“Thank-you,” Ellana says softly, her lips grazing her cheek as she speaks. “Though just how close were you and Leliana if she knows how good you are with your fingers?”   
  
If Cassandra didn’t know any better (and she would be the first to admit that she doesn’t) she would have thought that Ellana sounded  _ jealous _ but, perhaps she was? Leliana was an attractive woman, and even though she had already told Ellana that she had no interest in women Ellana had no way of knowing Leliana’s intentions towards  _ her _ .

“I know she hardly speaks of her, but Leliana is very much in love, and committed to Sophia - Warden - the Hero of Ferelden despite the long years they have spent apart. She is an archer like you, though the amount of time she spends hunched over at desks with correspondence does little to help the tension she carries. Sometimes I would help her find relief the same way I did for you.”

“Who would have thought that the Seeker was so gentle underneath all that strength and short temper?” Ellana grins. “But don’t worry, your secret is safe with me, this is something I want to keep to myself.” pausing to yawn widely, Ellana continues, “I don’t know about you, but I could go for a nap, I suspect Leliana’s made sure that no one will bother us for most of the afternoon.”

It's too early in the day for Cassandra to even consider sleep, but looking at Ellana it is clear to see the tired lines on her face and the dark shadows under her eyes that speak of long days and sleepless nights that are taking their toll on her. Although she has no intentions to sleep she figures that there is little harm in staying and watching over Ellana as she does (it's also the longest she has spent with Ellana in days so selfishly Cassandra is enjoying the uninterrupted time with her.) 

It's comfortable, the way they settle face to face, Ellana’s hand resting on her stomach, fingers stroking lightly.

Leaning forward to kiss Ellana feels normal now too, not like something that is still new to both of them, and if Cassandra was to let her more romantic side describe it, it would be like coming home, like sipping a small moment of peace in the chaos of their days. 

“I haven’t asked how you are,” Ellana sighs when she pulls away “I’m sorry.”

“Hush, do not apologise, you are asking now and that’s what matters. Though, I was on my way here already when I ran into one of Leliana’s scouts. I have something for you, and Varric said something very odd” Cassandra frowns, still not knowing what he was talking about but not wanting to ask because it is evident that Ellana needs rest and she is enjoying the calm that the two of them are currently sharing.

“You have something for me?” Ellana asks, perking up?   
  
“Yes, but it can wait,” Cassandra says as she draws Ellana into her arms, cutting off any argument, earning herself a huff of affectionate laughter, shivering at the warm breath that spreads across her neck.   
  
“If you say so. Though try to get some rest yourself ma vhenan” Ellana replies, kissing her neck before settling. Ellana falls asleep against her so quickly Cassandra is genuinely worried about how much rest she is actually getting.

She knows that Ellana has a lot of responsibilities as Inquisitor and that her work is almost never-ending (and feels partly responsible for this)but she worries that Ellana isn’t taking time for herself when she needs it.

But now that the nature of their relationship has changed Cassandra resolves to make sure that Ellana is taking proper care of herself, even if she has to make her. 

With the quietness of the room and warmth of Ellana beside her, it doesn’t take long for Cassandra to join her in sleep.

  
  


Something is tickling her ear, and after some of confusion, it takes her a moment to realise that Ellana is propped up beside her reading something in one hand and running her hand through her hair with the other.

“Sorry,” Ellana smiles when she sees her watching her “I was worried if you slept any longer you wouldn’t sleep properly later tonight.”

It is a thoughtful gesture, and Cassandra is.. touched, not being used to having someone looking out for her wellbeing in such a way. Reaching up to grab Ellana’s hand she brings it to her lips, kissing her palm before replying “thank-you.” 

After an afternoon of Ellana affecting her in ways that are new to her it is almost  _ satisfying _ to see the slow blink and hear the catch in her breath that show that something so innocent as a kiss on the palm has an effect on her, and Cassandra resolves to find new ways to get such responses more often.

“Come, there is food that  _ someone _ thoughtfully sent for us to enjoy,” Ellana says, snapping her book shut and getting up, moving to the lounge seat in front of the fire. Cassandra joins her after stretching, and finds herself hungry at the sight of the bowls of stew waiting for them. The pair eat quickly in silence, and Cassandra spends most of her time wondering how to best broach the topic of Varric’s earlier words, but Ellana beats her too it with a question of her own.

“So, this is new,” she says, as she picks up the dagger that Cassandra originally came to her quarters to give her.   
  
“Ah. Yes. I had Dagna make it for you, so hopefully she has made it to your preference as I was unsure. She tells me that the runes she chose are quite useful but she didn’t tell me what they were.”   
  
“It's dragon bone Cassandra, it too mu-”

“Nonsense,”  Cassandra interrupts. “If you are worried about the value, don’t, it is from a piece that I have had for too long, doing nothing. I am glad that I have finally found a use for it.” 

“You mean this is from a dragon that you hunted?” Ellana asks, sounding curious, and Cassandra knows her well enough to know that the mischievous glint in her eye will more than likely end in her own exasperation.

“I - yes, it is from a dragon I killed in my youth.”

“In your youth? As in the time -”

“Yes it is from one of the dragon’s that was killed when I defending Divine Beatrix,” Cassandra replies, still waiting for whatever joke that Ellana is yet to make.

She does not expect the look of genuine surprise though, and the considered look that Ellana gives her as if she's realised something.

“What?” Cassandra asks, frowning in confusion.

“Nothing - nothing, it's just, that's,” Ellana pauses, mulling over her next words “honestly it's kind of pretty romantic.” 

Oh. 

“I suppose it is,” Cassandra muses, watching the pink that has tinged Ellana’s cheeks spread, along with the soft crooked smile that has so quickly become one of her favourite expressions.

“Why?” Ellana asks, as she gently sets the dagger back down on the table in front of her.

Cassandra isn’t sure what she means, so she explains why she had Dagna make her the blade in the first place. 

“With me teaching you how to defend yourself in close quarters I thought it might be useful for you to have something that was more suited to such a fighting style. And I know from personal experience that it is always best to have a last resort.”

“That makes sense”

“And,” Cassandra can’t suppress the blush at what she's about to admit “When I asked Leliana and Varric for advice on courting you they both suggested that something practical would have more meaning.”

“Wait you went to  _ Varric _ for ideas on how to court me?” Ellana asks, sounding confused, unsurprising considering how volatile the relationship between her and the dwarf is at times.

“Yes well, he has a lot of opinions the meddling litt- speaking of Varric,” Cassandra starts, clearing her throat as she so obviously changes the subject, “He said something quite strange to me when I was on my way here.”

Ellana lets out a long sigh, and Cassandra is worried anew that something is going on that she knows little about because it means that she doesn’t know how to help Ellana with whatever she is dealing with. 

“You know that a while back - when we were still in Haven - we reached out to my clan to let them know that I was alive and to see how they were fairing?” at Cassandra’s nod she continues. “I suspect Leliana didn’t just find a way to get you here because of my headache, she knows  _ that's _ been troubling me for a few days. We received word whilst I was away that my clan was under attack by bandits outside of Wycome. Leliana had her operatives assist them in a retreat and help find information on where the bandits had come from. One of her agents reported that they were actually mercenaries that had been paid by someone who was  _ supposed _ to be one of our allies to wipe them out but we are still unsure as to why.”

Cassandra can’t claim to be close to her family and has only trusted a few people completely since the death of her brother, so she has a hard time thinking of the appropriate thing to say, knowing that Elven clans are usually quite close-knit.

“What do you need from me?” Cassandra asks in earnest, figuring the best way know what Ellana needs is to ask her.

“What do I need? I need what I already have from you,” Ellana says, reaching over to grasp her hand from where it is resting between them. “ _ You _ and your care, and support, and your ready ear willing to listen when I need it most.”

Cassandra is surprised it‘s that simple, considering how many people seem to think that of her as brash and unfeeling. Her surprise must show on her face because Ellana admonishes her for thinking so little of herself. 

“I hope you know that this works both ways? That if you need something that you will not hesitate to come to me for help? And please, not just as the Inquisitor, but as  _ me _ , the woman who ...  cares for you. Defeating Corypheus would mean nothing if you weren’t there beside me, not anymore.”

Ellana’s confession is heavy, but it's something she needed to hear and gives voice to a growing feeling she doesn’t want to name yet, even though she suspects, even now that it is  _ love _ . 

 

Later that night, after she returns to her loft and retires for the evening and reads a few pages of her current book, she is awoken by someone gently shaking her. In the dim light, it is hard to make out who it is but the familiar earthy smell of elfroot and sandalwood give Ellana away.

“Whats wrong?” Cassandra asks, instantly alert despite how late it is.

“Nothing, nothing, I - I couldn’t sleep. I shouldn’t have bothered you, sorry.” Ellana stammers, clearly troubled. As she moves to stand, Cassandra grabs her hand, keeping her in place. 

“It is no bother, honestly. Though, as easy as it would be for us to stay here, my bedroll is scarcely large enough for me let alone the two of us, no matter how close we are.” Cassandra pushes off her threadbare blanket and stands, using their joined hands to pull Ellana up with her.

“Can’t we just stay here though? I don’t mind.” Ellana tries to protest. 

“I won’t have you sleeping on the floor.”

“But you do it,” Ellana tries to reason, her tiredness making her words sound like a whine.

“Yes, well I’m  _ me _ . Feeling how tense you were this afternoon, sleeping on something so hard will do little to help your shoulders or your headaches, you need a to sleep in a proper bed,” Cassandra says, leaving no room for argument.

“Fine,” Ellana sighs. “Lead the way.”

If anyone was around to see it it would start a scandal. The Inquisitor and the Seeker walking hand in hand through the keep in the light of the full moon at the dead of night, then disappearing into the Inquisitor's quarters, neither reappearing until morning. 

But the only people who are around to see are the guards on their patrols, and they are wise enough to not say anything with many of them having sparred with Cassandra at some point during their training and most certainly  _ do not _ want to face her when she is angry. 

Few words are spoken between the two of them as they settle, preparing to sleep. After their talk earlier in the evening Cassandra was certain Ellana would come to her if she needed something. What she hadn’t expected was just how soon that would be, and wonders just how affected by the news of what was happening with her clan Ellana actually was. Coming to her for support was already a big step for someone as independent as Ellana, Cassandra just hoped that she knew that she was willing to listen to whatever was troubling her when she felt ready to talk about it. 

“Thank-you, ma vhenan” Ellana whispers against her forehead in the dark, the last thing Cassandra hears before falling asleep in her embrace. 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
> 
> Yes this ties into Little Birdies, or Little Birdies ties into it. 
> 
> Feedback lets me know I'm not wasting my time or posting into the void.


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> All mistakes are mine, I don't know what editing is.

After the third night Ellana came to her quarters neither of them saw the point of trying to sleep in different beds. Cassandra spent most of her nights in Ellana’s rooms now anyway, so it made little sense for her to leave so late when she was already there.

Well that was what they were going with.

But their new relationship was the worst kept secret amongst their inner circle and advisors. 

And for once in her life Cassandra didn’t mind that she was the source of so much gossip.

She was  _ happy _ . And as reluctant as she was to credit it all to Ellana, most of it was her doing.

Finally feeling comfortable with her own feelings and how the recent changes in her life felt.. right. That the void that she had felt for most of her life was gone.

She just wasn’t sure how to show Ellana this.

Words would fail her, they always had.

Action was what she was best at but Cassandra was unsure what was needed. This was all new to her. So she decided to go with her heart. These past weeks it had proved to be wiser than she thought, and her instincts lead her to something that they both enjoy. 

Touch. 

It's such a small thing. 

Something that Cassandra spent so long without, but now? Now she finds she can't get enough of it. It's simple really, a need to connect, to ground herself, and Ellana is more than happy to help Cassandra get what she needs. 

It's her own fault anyway. Cassandra knew of Ellana’s tendency to touch people, even when they were first starting to get to know each other. 

Cassandra initially dismissed it figuring that may have just been a Dalish thing, Cassandra knew that the clan Ellana came from was tight-knit, so Cassandra assumed that Ellana was just following the customs of her people. Until she noticed that she was reserved around the others. Save Dorian that is, only touching to emphasise a point or quickly grab someone’s attention. 

Never anything lingering. Never anything beyond the back of a hand or a bicep.

Not that Cassandra was complaining of course. Although their relationship was still new Cassandra found that she was rarely in her loft for longer than it took to grab a fresh pair of clothes (even now she had run out of those) or a book from her small collection (most of them had made it to a shelf that had been cleared for her in Ellana’s rooms, or the table next to what was quickly becoming her side of the bed).

But in the privacy of Ellana’s rooms it was not uncommon to find the pair seated together, Ellana reading over reports in breaks from her training for the looming visit to the Winter Palace, Cassandra with her head or feet resting against Ellana’s thighs as she read her own reports or novel, Ellana’s fingers buried in Cassandra’s hair or absently tracing patterns along her calves as she concentrated on whatever she was reading.

Outside of her rooms Ellana was all business as the Inquisitor. In the privacy of her rooms, Cassandra found that she not only enjoyed Ellana’s company and all of the quirks she was discovering about the woman she was growing so close to, she actually  _ craved _ it, for lack of a better word.

What she hadn’t expected were the feelings that seemed to come along with this newfound desire for intimacy.

Despite her size, Cassandra usually woke to find herself wrapped protectively in Ellana’s embrace. A leg thrown over her own, a hand grasping her waist, Cassandra’s head tucked underneath her chin. 

An arm draped over her and a forehead between her shoulder blades the nights Cassandra finds sleep elusive and moves away so not to disturb Ellana’s own.

Small comforts that Cassandra never knew she was missing until she was on the receiving end of them. 

She's not sure what wakes her. Maybe it was the cold, or the darkness that's thicker than usual, but she’s awake after only a few hours of sleep, and as pleasant as it is to have the comfort of a soft bed beneath her something feels wrong. It takes her another moment to realise that the usual warmth of Ellana isn’t there, and another still to recognise the restless shuffling of fitful sleep behind her.

Cassandra hesitates, wanting to offer comfort and soothe whatever is disturbing Ellana’s sleep, but knows that relighting the fire to warm the room and ward away the nameless fears that linger in the dark corners of even the most well-guarded place in Skyhold  needs doing before waking Ellana. 

Practicality wins out in the end, and Cassandra makes quick work resetting the fire in the fireplace. After checking the doors are still securely closed to the whistling of the wind she can hear outside Cassandra pauses to grab the jug of water and some mugs from Ellana’s desk,and walks back over to the bed, settling in to rouse Ellana from whatever is troubling her sleep.

Whatever it is has Ellana jumping at the light shaking of her shoulder and Cassandra feels her chest ache at the genuine gasp of fear that Ellana lets out at the contact and how tense she feels beneath her palm, before she softens as she realises where she is and who she is with.   
  
“Sorry,” Ellana mumbles sleepily “I didn’t mean to wake you.”   
  
“You cannot help what comes to you in dreams Ellana,” Cassandra replies, brushing a strand of hair out of Ellana’s face and behind her ear. “But know that I am here if you wish to discuss whatever is troubling you.”

Cassandra can’t see her clearly, but she knows that Ellana is studying her face in the dark.

“It's an old trouble, that always seems to return to me when I least expect it, like most unwanted things I guess.” Ellana sighs after a moment of quiet, the hiss and pop of the fire in the hearth the only sounds reminding Cassandra that time hasn’t stopped.

“I’ve never told you much about my time before the conclave, back when I was still a hunter for my people, have I?” Ellana asks.

“No. But you do not have to tell me if you don’t want to, I know you miss your clan., and worry about their safety with their recent news” Cassandra replies evenly, not entirely sure where Ellana is going with this, but patient enough to know that Ellana will get to it in her own time.

“That's the thing though isn’t it? I don’t think I do miss them. At least, not anymore.” The edge to Ellana’s voice surprises Cassandra, and she can’t help but wonder what Ellana’s life was like before everything that had happened at the conclave. From what she had heard from Ellana, and even through Leliana, Ellana was different to most of her clan, and in normal circumstances that would be difficult to manage, but in such a small tight knit community it must have been even harder to know that you didn’t fit in.   
  
“It wasn’t so bad whilst my mother was still alive I guess, and our Keeper tried her best to keep things normal after her passing but -” Cassandra reaches out and grabs Ellana’s hand when she pauses, twining their fingers together in an unspoken show of support, a reminder for her to take her time, because even if it takes until the sun rises, Cassandra is there for her, and will wait patiently for Ellana to say what she needs to say. With a soft squeeze of her hand in return and a shakily drawn breath, Ellana continues, “ - I’ve never told you how I got this scar on my face, have I?” Ellana asks, stroking the scar in question absently.   
  
“No.” Cassandra answers thickly, dreading where this conversation might be headed, and  hoping against hope that she can continue to assume that it's from a hunting mishap or an accident, and not that it had been inflicted upon her by another. 

“Our clan was nomadic, we hunted for what we needed, and for the most part we were self sufficient, but some things we needed to trade for with other clans, and on some occasions, with humans.”

The flatness of Ellana’s tone does little to lessen the feeling of dread that has wrapped itself around her chest. It's something that she had seen too often in her time as a Seeker -the sound of someone who only wanted to speak about something once, and then go back to hoping that they could forget whatever it was had ever happened.

“We were trading with another clan, pelts for food and weapons, that sort of thing. Her name was Rihari, and she came to me the night before our clans were meant part ways” Ellana pauses here, and Cassandra squeezes their joined hands.

“If I’d have known who she was I wouldn’t have gone with her, but the next morning when the other clans Keeper, her father, confronted me about what had happened, one of their Hunters attacked me and that's how I got this,” Ellana says, pointing to her scar “turns out sleeping with the daughter of a rival clans keeper who happens to  _ also _ be engaged to one of their hunters isn’t really the best of ideas.”

Cassandra knows that making light of something so serious is Ellana’s way of dealing with things, but she is angry that she thinks that any of this was her fault. 

“Did she do it on purpose? Knowing what would happen?” Cassandra asks, hoping that the encounter was a misunderstanding, and not of malicious intent.

“I never got the chance to ask at the time, but, I think that she was like me, she knew that it was her duty to put the interests of her clan first but she wanted something that was just for  _ her _ I guess? At least, telling myself this is better than what could have been the alternative.” Ellana replies with a lightness that Cassandra doesn’t quite believe, even in the darkness.

“I think it was selfish of her, regardless of whether you were caught or not.” Cassandra muses aloud.

Nothing is said between the pair for a while, and Cassandra mulls over what Ellana has told her as she watches the shadows play across the blankets covering them. Enjoying the feeling of Ellana’s fingers playing with her own as she drifts off into her own train of thought.    
  
“What happened after that?” Cassandra asks, breaking the silence.

“After? Our clans parted ways, my Keeper had strong words with me about keeping my  _ preferences _ to myself in the future, my duty to my clan, and I was sent out with one of the hunting parties until things cooled down.” Ellana props herself up onto one elbow, and Cassandra moves to sit, reaching over to grab the cups she bought over earlier. Taking a sip from her own, she passes the other to Ellana who takes a long drink before continuing.

“A few months after that I was sent to scout out reports of the difficulties in Kirkwall, and then after  _ that _ I was sent to find out what I could at the Conclave, and well you know the rest of that story after that ma vhenan.”    
  
“You were in Kirkwall during the rebellion? Strange that our paths were so close but did not cross until there was a hole in the sky.” 

“Speak for yourself, I seem to remember seeing  _ someone _ who looked a lot like you with some very impressive armour” Ellana says with a smirk as she sets her cup down on her bedside table.   
  
“Of course you did,” Cassandra can’t help rolling her eyes as she replies. “Are you sure you were just a scout?” Cassandra has spent enough time around Leliana to know when there is more going on than meets the eye, and suspects that some of Ellana’s dealings may have needed her to get her hands dirty in some way or another.   
  
“That would be telling. Though I will say I did get close enough to know that this wasn’t there,” Ellana says as she leans forward to stroke the scar on Cassandra’s cheek, a mirror of her own. Cassandra can’t stop the jaw cracking yawn that cuts short any reply she might have wanted to make.

“Come, it is late, we both need rest,” Cassandra says yawning again as she opens her arms for Ellana, knowing that she wouldn’t ask for such a comfort, but would gladly accept it if offered.

It's irrational, but Cassandra hopes that with Ellana wrapped in her arms she can protect her from the things that haunt her even in dreams, or offer her comfort from the ones that slip through anyway.

“I’m sorry.” Cassandra mumbles into the head of hair beneath her chin.

“What for?” Ellana asks, voice thick with tiredness.

“Lying. That day on the battlements. I was no less selfish than  _ her  _  thinking of my own feelings and not your own, even though they were the same.” Cassandra says biting her lip. She is not used to talking about her feelings, but she finds it easier to voice them no matter how silly they feel the more time she spends with Ellana.

“Nonsense,” Ellana chastises her. “You admitted your mistake, and made up for it, and you wouldn’t be here in my bed if I didn’t believe you.”

“But-” Cassandra’s protests are cut short by a warm mouth on her own, kissing her more for the sake of shutting her up than anything else, and Cassandra can’t help the small laugh that escapes her as Ellana pulls away.   
  
“Stubborn woman.” Ellana says warmly,  kissing her one last time before settling back into Cassandra’s embrace. 

It doesn’t take long for Ellana to fall asleep again, but Cassandra finds herself mulling over the things that she has told her a little while longer before sleep finally claims her. 

She wakes the next morning to an empty bed, momentarily confused and worried that she had slept later than she normally does, but the faint light coming through the glass doors around the room show that it is just before dawn.

“G’morning ma vhenan,” Ellana’s voice greets her from across the room.

There it is again.  _ Ma vhenan _ ? Cassandra is unsure what it means, and she’s fairly certain that Ellana has recently started using it because of this, but she wants to see if Ellana will explain what it means, without her having to ask.

  
“It is early for you to be awake,” Cassandra says as she sits up, reluctant to leave the warmth of the bed behind for the time being.

“The earlier I get my day started the earlier I can finish up with the terrible two and come annoy you” Ellana grins. Cassandra rolls her eyes at both the nickname Ellana has for Leliana and Josephine, and the rhyme.

  
“Do not let either of them hear you call them that,” Cassandra sighs, moving across the room to join Ellana at her desk, leaning on the arm of her chair. “You are far from annoying though.”

“I’ll remember that. Though I was thinking maybe we could go over what you wanted to cover in  your lessons for me today if you had time?” Ellana asks hopefully, the question barely hiding the unspoken desire to spend time with her in whatever context, to which Cassandra hums in agreement. 

“There is still warm water if you want to freshen up, and one of the kitchen girls bought most of your clean clothes up here,” Ellana says, gesturing to the neatly folded pile of clothes on the lounge chair in front of the fire as she stands.

“I’ll give you some privacy-” Ellana starts before Cassandra interrupts,  pulling her back into her embrace. Cassandra kisses her softly, in a way that is quickly becoming one of her favorites, as it has yet to fail in making Ellana sigh warmly into her mouth and wrap her arms around her as if she can’t get close enough.

“Hi,” Ellana sighs as she pulls away, smiling softly.   
  
“Good morning,” Cassandra chuckles, leaning forward to press another kiss to Ellana’s forehead.

“You make it so hard for me to even  _ want _ to leave here to get any work done,” Ellana complains half-heartedly as she steps out of Cassandra’s embrace, gathering the documents she needs for the day tucking them under one of her arms .   
“There’s still some breakfast left,” Ellana says, pointing to the half eaten plate on her desk. “I will leave you to it. See you at lunch. Hopefully” Ellana says, leaning up on the tips of her toes to steal another kiss before hurrying off down the stairs, leaving Cassandra to go about her morning routine on her own.

  
  
  


“Interesting,” Leliana murmurs, in a tone that has never bode well for anything the entire time Cassandra has known the other woman.

It is still early, but Leliana wasn’t needed for whatever Ellana was learning today and not long after Ellana left their rooms that morning a runner had arrived with a note from Cullen informing her that he was held up from their usual star time. So Cassandra had decided to pay Leliana a visit before the day got busy for the both of them. Cassandra had mentioned -skimming almost all of the details but knows that there is little that Leliana can’t find if she puts her mind to it - what Ellana had told her the night before, hoping that Leliana might know something about it, or have advice for her considering her own past. 

“What do you know?” Cassandra asks, curious.

“My agents have been hearing talk of an elven hunter that claims that he has no faith in any organisation that is led by a  _ heathen of a girl that can’t even defend her own honor let alone face  _ and is quite vocal in this opinion. 

“You think it's he who attacked her?”

“The coincidence is uncanny no?” Leliana answers in her usual cryptic way.   
  
“Perhaps it would be best if Ellana did not get wind of this?” Cassandra asks “Though I do not feel comfortable being dishonest with her about such a thing, not when it is so personal to her.” 

“Understandable,” Leliana replies, taking a sip from her cup. “Though perhaps, it may be best to simply see what becomes of the situation on it's own, before intervening no?” 

“Though I wonder, Ellana says that she wants to take things at the pace that you are most comfortable with yes?” 

“Yes?” Cassandra answers, not sure where Leliana is going with her question.   
  
“What if it's as much for her benefit as it is for yours? From what little intel I have been able to gather on Ellana personally, that appears to be one of the only relations she has had. It makes sense for her to be hesitant to rushing into any kind of intimacy after having such a bad experience the first time, even if she doesn’t realise that’s the reason.”   
  
“I did not think of it that way,” Cassandra says slowly, mulling over Leliana’s words. “I know I would be wary if it was me in her position” 

“So how is your courtship going?” Leliana asks with a smirk. 

“Fine,” Cassandra replies, taking a sip from her drink. 

“Hmm,” 

“What?” Cassandra asks with a sigh, knowing that if she doesn’t ask directly most of this conversation will continue going around in circles.

“I was just thinking that perhaps a large romantic gesture on your part might not go astray? I know she has been going to great lengths with some of her own plans, so perhaps you are thinking of something also?”  

“I just wish I could take her away from all of this, just for a moment. I’m afraid I’m not the only one that feels cooped up at having to stay here for so long” Cassandra sighs, scratching her head. 

“And Ellana is not the sort about to complain about something if she feels it is her duty,” Leliana agrees.

“Exactly,” Cassandra replies glad that she doesn’t have to to explain what she's thinking because Leliana already understands.

“You two are more alike than you think. What was it you used to do when you needed time to yourself ?” 

Cassandra knows it's a leading question, but she answers anyway.

“You know what I did,” Cassandra replies, giving Leliana an exasperated look.

“I didn’t think Ellana was allowed to leave until you and Josie were happy with her preparation for the Winter Palace?”

“I’m sure a few days won’t hurt, and I dare say it will make Ellana less inclined to be.. difficult which I admit she has been lately,” Leliana finishes with a sigh.

“Ellana? Being difficult? This is the first I’ve heard of it,” Cassandra asks surprised. She knew that Ellana was not enjoying learning the rigidity that was necessary to be a successful player of the game, but surely she wouldn’t have been actively troublesome?

“I do not think she appreciates the interruptions of something so tedious on her free time, which is understandable given the  _ circumstances _ .”

“Interrup - you’re saying that  _ I’m _ the reason?” Cassandra asks incredulously.

“I can’t say I blame her, she has excellent taste after all,” Leliana teases, before her face shifts into a more serious expression, which puts Cassandra on edge. 

“But I am afraid that I have some…. interesting news for you” Leliana starts, deftly changing the subject.

Cassandra set her glass down and leans forward, her forearms resting on the table. 

“With your information, my scouts have managed to find where we think some of your fellow Seekers are,”

“Oh?” Cassandra perks up at this, wanting nothing more to leave this instant to get to the bottom of this, but knows that it would be unwise for her to leave without proper planning.

“There is a place, Caer Oswin, that several have been summoned to by the Lord Seeker, but after that, they haven’t been seen again,”

The news fills her with dread. Something about the Lord Seeker has troubled her since she was him all those months ago in Val Royeaux before the Inquisition was the force that it currently is, and hearing this renews the feeling.

“I had hoped to be proven wrong when I had a bad feeling about the Lord Seeker, but I cannot ignore this,” Cassandra sighs, rubbing her face in frustration. “What does this have to do with Ellana though?”

“I was thinking that we might be able to fix two problems at once. Both you and Ellana are not enjoying being idle, and this is the only lead on the Seekers we’ve had for months so time is crucial,”

“It will take at least a week to get there, even if we could do we have that sort of time?” Cassandra asks, seriously considering this. After all, this is incredibly important to her, and as much as she would dislike it Cassandra is willing to take on task even without Ellana’s help.

“Not if you travel across lake Calenhad instead of around it,” Leliana points out. During the time of the Blight Leliana had spent a lot of time travelling that area, so Cassandra trusts her judgement.

“And if Ellana can’t come? What then?”

“That won’t be a problem. It is still a month and a half before we have to leave for the Winter Palace. Josie is sentimental, she will understand. She won’t say but I think she could use the…. time to adjust.” Leliana says cryptically, sipping from her drink.

“Adjust?” Cassandra asks, confused.

“Of course you wouldn’t have noticed, but for a while there the pair of you were of interest to her,” Leliana sighs in what Cassandra hopes is exasperation at the curious look on her face before elaborating.

“She was rather  _ interested _ in the two of you. Individually. Though you more so I suspect.”

It takes a second for the meaning of Leliana’s words to register for Cassandra and she expects the look of realisation on her face would be amusing for anyone other than Leliana.   
  
“She?  _ Me?”  _ Cassandra splutters. 

“ _ Yes _ . Between Ellana and I we might be able to make you understand that despite what you think of yourself a great many find you both  _ desirable _ and  _ attractive _ ,” Cassandra is wise enough to know not to argue the point on this, not when Leliana has that look in her eye.

“You know, when we first started working together I did think about trying to seduce you,” 

Oh. This is new information to Cassandra. When they had first met Cassandra assumed that Leliana’s interest her was professional, a way to learn more about her and for them to get to know each other. But looking back it made sense to her. She has spent long enough with Leliana to know that if she wanted information she could learn everything she needed to know without anyone knowing. 

“What stopped you?” Cassandra asks, curious. Leliana was an attractive woman. What interest would she have in her?

“Sophia. Justina mostly. She thought it would not be wise. And I saw the eyes that you had for that mage, every time he came to the Grand Cathedral. I  _ also _ saw the eyes he had for one of the other mages that he travelled with. I am not normally one to speak ill of the dead but I feel that you deserved better. As well as more than five minutes of rutting before he falls asleep.”

Cassandra doesn’t want to know how Leliana knows that. But she vaguely remembers the night in question and the frustration she had felt at having to finish herself on her own.   
  
“Galyan was with another?” Cassandra asks in confusion. She can’t bring herself to be angry though. Not with it happening so long ago. But it stings, to know that she wasn’t enough, not what Galyan wanted. 

“Distance is harder for some than it is for others. Even I have had times where I have wanted to throw everything I have with Sophia away. But I know I would regret it. She means too much to me. But I am glad that amidst all this chaos you and Ellana have found each other. The pair of you have been through so much together and the trials ahead will only make your bond stronger. I myself can’t ever remember seeing you this happy about  _ anything _ and that is all Ellana’s influence.”

“She is… special to me,” Cassandra admits, trying to articulate her feelings. “I still feel like such a fool for turning her down,”

“It was not your finest moment, no” Leliana agrees. “When are you going to tell her you love her?”

Cassandra isn’t sure if Leliana is just trying to get a rise out of her but before she can open her mouth to protest she realises it's true, and that she doesn’t want to deny it.

Telling Ellana is another matter altogether. 

“I don’t know,” Cassandra sighs. “Is this why you suggested investigating Caer Oswin? So we could have some time away from prying eyes?”

“Part of, yes.” Leliana starts. “I was also thinking it would be the perfect way for you to share something so personal to you with Ellana. I may have heard at the last game of Wicked Grace that she worries that in courting her you are forgetting that the thing she wants most is  _ you _ and that as much as you have been there for her even before now that you forget that she wants to be the same for you when  _ you _ need it. She wants to know about the things that are important to you and the Seekers are one of those things.”

Leliana’s words make her realise two things;

Ellana is right. She has been paying more attention to Ellana and thinking little of herself. She needed to prove to her that she was serious about this. About  _ them _ . Part of her still felt like she had to make up for rejecting Ellana that day, but, maybe now was the time to let that go and focus on the things that were in their future together instead?

Secondly, Cassandra wants nothing more than to share everything important to her with Ellana. Not just the Seekers. But Books. Poetry. Stories of her brother. Her hopes. Her fears. Everything. 

“I have to finish helping Cullen with training our newest group of recruits which will take the rest of this week, and Ellana and I are meeting later today to discuss her learning some close quarters defence after what happened in the Exalted Plains,” Cassandra muses, thinking over the logistics of the situation “It's will take time to organise the travelling details also.”

“I can take care of Josie.” Leliana agrees, following along with Cassandra’s planning “Though, what sort of things would you be looking to teach her? There are some things from my time as a Bard that saved my life a few times that may be of use to her,”

“What kind of things?”

“I know you had that dagger crafted for her - dragon bone was a nice touch, and a Pentaghast family tradition no? - but do not discount her natural reaction to reach for what she knows in the heat of the moment,” Leliana says pointedly.

“Her bow?” Cassandra asks, after a moment of thought, thinking back to all of the time the pair of them have spent fighting demons and bandits together on expeditions.

“Yes,” Leliana confirms “Dagna crafted my own, and the girl is a master at what she does. I think you will find that there are ways to add hidden attachments that only the owner knows how to use”

Cassandra watches as Leliana rises and moves over to where her bow is resting over near her statue of Andraste before returning. Leliana hasn’t said anything but has her full attention. Cassandra watches in fascination as Leliana runs her thumb along the timber just above the grip, and is surprised when a rune glows under the surface, and blades appear on both tips of her bow.

“An invisibility rune? I’ve never heard of them being used this way before,” Cassandra says as she reaches forward to take the bow and get a closer look, The metal is crafted into the bow, and it's hard to believe that they could be so easily hidden. Frankly she's impressed and wonders what else Dagna might have added to the dagger she crafted. 

“A handy trick, no?” Leliana grins, taking the bow back from Cassandra, rubbing the rune again so the blades disappear. When she leans the bow upright against the table Cassandra isn’t surprised to see that there is no gap between where the tip of the blade should be and the end of the bow. It sits flush against the floor, and if she hadn’t known any better wouldn’t have suspected a thing. 

“I don’t know Leliana, she is quite fond of her current bow, she would be suspicious if it went missing,” Cassandra says hesitantly,  weapons are a personal choice for their bearers, and she doesn’t want to impose.

“I am sure Dagna will only need to study it for a little while, and craft something similar with the adjustments that we have in mind?”

 

It takes little to persuade Cassandra, and after Leliana receives a raven Cassandra leaves, using the free time before she has to meet Cullen to retrieve Ellana’s bow from her quarters before heading to the undercroft to see Dagna.

Dagna lights up at the prospect of a new project and after examining the bow and listening to what Cassandra wants shoos her out of the room, getting to work straight away.

 

Cassandra has only just put Ellana’s bow away again when she hears the door downstairs open and she hurries across the room to one of the open doors before she sits cross legged in a meditative pose, hoping she can calm her breathing quick enough.

“Cassandra? You’re still here?” Ellana’s soft voice calls out across the room from the direction of the stairs.

“I came back,” Cassandra replies, turning to face Ellana who is walking towards her.

“Is something the matter?” Ellana asks as she sits beside her, their shoulders brushing.

“Leliana gave me some interesting news this morning,” Cassandra pauses when she feels Ellana reach for her hand,her small fingers slipping easily between her own. “Apparently she thinks that we might have found the location of the Seekers that I’ve been searching for.”

“I know.” Ellana states simply beside her.

“You know? 

“Hmm. Since the Exalted Plains, this has become personal to me, and I want to help you get to the bottom of this. I asked Leliana and Josephine to use whatever means necessary to find out what they could and Leliana told me this morning that she had news about them, and Josephine is organising travel plans for us now so we can leave tomorrow with Dorian and Cole.”

“Tomorrow? But I have to help Cullen with the new recruits and there are things that you are needed here for,” Cassandra reasons, relieved that Ellana hadn’t been keeping this from her, it was only  timing that had kept her from telling her any earlier. 

“All of those can wait. And Bull and his Chargers will step in in your absence - which should be interesting - so Cullen is not lacking for extra help, as for Josephine, she’s the reason that I’m here now. I don’t know what Leliana said to her but I’ve been sent to my room to prepare,” The grin on Ellana’s face would have irritated her if it was anyone else, but she knows that Ellana is trying to show her support in her own way, and Cassandra appreciates it.

“Anyway, if what is happening with the Seekers is anything like what happened to the Templars, time is of the essence, and we have to get to the bottom of it before they get the chance to disappear again. Your order is too important to Thedas, we need to investigate.”

“Thank-you,” Cassandra whispers, squeezing their joined hands. She’s almost overwhelmed by the determination in Ellana’s voice and wants to tell her how much she appreciates her for doing this but the right words don’t come to her.

“Hey,” Ellana says, reaching up with her other hand to rest her palm on her cheek encouraging Cassandra to look at her. “They’re important to you so they’re important to me, alright?” 

Cassandra nods, swallowing around the lump in her throat.  When she looks into Ellana’s eyes her expression is soft, but even though she is looking at her it's like she's remembering something else, something  _ sad _ . 

“I don’t know if I can tell you how much I appreciate this,” Cassandra says as she turns her face into Ellana’s palm, kissing it softly. The smell of whatever scented oils Ellana wears here is strong, and she inhales deeply finding it helps calm her. 

“You don’t need to,” Ellana murmurs, “I think I have a fairly good idea. What are you doing sitting on the floor anyway?”

She can’t tell her the real reason. Not without spoiling the surprise. So she settles for a half-truth, because she would have done it anyway, just not here, not now. But she doesn’t need to anymore, because Ellana has already helped her figure out her thoughts without even realising that she needed it. 

“Meditating. It helps me focus my thoughts into action where it's needed, but you’ve already helped with your own plan” 

“Oh, I didn’t mean to intrude,” Ellana says quietly, moving her hand from Cassandra’s cheek and resting it in her lap, fidgeting with the hem of her shirt. 

“No, it is… nice to not have to deal with everything on my own,” Cassandra replies, squeezing their joined hands.

“Could you teach me? I mean you don’t have to, but it could be helpful, although there are  _ other _ things that help clear my mind,” Ellana’s grin is sly, suggestive, and for once Cassandra is quick enough to catch on to her train of thought, and instead of rising to the bait decides to surprise her by leaning forward and kissing her.

If the small squeak of surprise is anything to go by Cassandra would say that she’s successful. If Ellana is worried that Cassandra is putting her needs before her own in their relationship, Cassandra is equally worried that Ellana makes light of all the responsibilities that pull on her from every direction. They have to be taking a toll on her, and if last night's dreams were anything to go by, there are a lot of things on her mind that meditation would help with, and Cassandra is more than willing to teach her knowing how much it has helped her in the past.

She loses her train of thought though when Ellana sighs, for once not trying to take control, and Cassandra continues with her slow pace, before pulling away and placing one last kiss on Ellana’s forehead, where the lines of her Vallaslin meet between her brows.

“I will teach you. We can begin now if you like?” Cassandra asks, hopefully. The easiest way to learn how to slip into a meditative state is to be calm and relaxed, and Ellana is currently both of those things.

“Thank-you,” Ellana sighs “I would love nothing more, but part of the reason that Josephine sent me up here was so I could finish some of my paperwork before we leave. You’re welcome to stay while I work though if you have nothing else to do?”

“Do you have any maps up here? I would like to know the terrain is like where we are headed,” 

“Those are all the maps I have,” Ellana says, pointing to the shelf full of scrolls on one of her bookcases as she rises, stretching before walking over to them, and starts going through them.

Cassandra takes a moment after standing to watch her and smiles to herself when she feels the warmth in her chest, for now, she will continue to think of it as fondness, even if she knows it's something more, something stronger.

She can’t help the grin that spreads across her face when Ellana turns, grinning triumphantly holding a scroll aloft.

“Found it!” she exclaims with excitement “What?” 

“Nothing, nothing, it's just, you’re kind of   _ adorable _ ” Cassandra says, echoing Ellana’s words to her from so long ago.

“Ugh, shut-up and take your map  _ Seeker _ ,” Ellana says affectionately, handing it to her when she walks over. 

“Do you still want to discuss your other lessons? Leliana had some ideas this morning that I think will be helpful for the both of us.” Cassandra asks, remembering why she was here in the first place.

“Hmm I bet she did. Maybe later? We will have plenty of time whilst we’re on the road to discuss it as well.” Ellana says, sitting in her chair and making herself comfortable.

“No doubt be will need something to fill the time on our journey” Cassandra agrees.

With Ellana occupied in her work, Cassandra moves to the lounge in front of the fire, and spreads the map on the surface of the small table in front of it studying it in silence. 

She does not know what they are going to find, but she is glad that Ellana will be there at her side to help, and to be there for her, no matter what happens. 

  
  
  
  
  
  


**Author's Note:**

> Feedback gives this time poor student life. Many many kudos to Quality_Rachni for beta'ing and making sense of my ramblings.


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